Misery Loves Me {Kyman/South Park}

★ 2 ★

The walk to the pizza place was silent, but it was a welcome, warm silence because I was with Stan. Even though I've said that I hate him, I don't. Honestly, we're best friends. It's just when we get looped in with Cartman's shenanigans that I like him less.

The pizza was really good. Cartman ate most of it, of course, but what I had of it was flavorful and warm. The fatass shoved so much of it in his mouth at once that I doubt he could appreciate it at all. What a waste.

After that, we were all kind of divided. Stan played something on his PSP, Kenny read dirty magazines, Cartman screwed around with that oversized iPhone 6 of his and I was back on my iPod. The eerie silence made me sleepy, so I got up to get a glass of Mountain Dew to keep myself awake for longer. I was walking back up the stairs to Stan's bedroom when he came up to me, looking quite a little bit excited.
"We're playing truth or dare! Come on!"
I attempted not to groan. "Really? I thought we were done with stuff like that..."
Stan gave me a smile, probably to make me feel at ease. but it just made me feel anxious.
"Please, Kyle? It's fun! We haven't played in so long..."
I gave a grunt of approval, and followed Stan back into his room.
As soon as Stan did so much as creak the door open, Kenny's head made a sharp turn, now focused on us.
"Kyle!" He said, actually speaking clearly for once, as he was out of his parka and in his pajamas. "It's your turn, since you're finally here!"
I sat down, sipping my dew.
"Alright."
Kenny looked as if he was about to explode, and I couldn't tell if it was for positive or negative reasons.
"Truth or dare?"
Figuring I'd just get it out of the way so the fatass wouldn't bother me about being a pussy all night, I went for a dare.
"Nice." Stan said, a mischevious grin on his face. Him and Kenny exchanged glances.
That made me nervous. Ever since I walked in on that intense conversation between Stan and Kenny earlier, I knew that something had been up. It was all finally coming into play, I could feel it.
"Alright," The blonde said, chuckling under his breath. "I dare you and Cartman to pretend to date, all the way until the next school dance. After the dance, you can stop."

I almost choked on my dew.

"KENNY, WHAT THE FUCK!" I yelled, hardly even believing that he would suggest such a thing. What, did he want me dead?

"No fuckin' way, Kenny. You aren't gonna catch me suckin' Kahl's balls if that's what you're thinking." Cartman said, keeping his composure surprisingly well.

"Come on, guys. We're not asking you to actually date, we just want you to pretend. We'll tell the whole school that the two of you are pussies if you don't, and honestly, you are if you can't handle this." Stan interjected. I was shocked- he was never usually that transparent and straightforward, and especially not with daring statements like that.

Cartman stood up. "Yeah? Is that how you feel, Stan?" He groaned. "Fiiiine then. I'll fake-date the jew."

That really shocked me. He changed his mind so quickly that I was unconvinced that he was ever opposed in the first place. Something more was going on.

I was silent. The whole situation was too damn much. I was set up to fake date Cartman, who hates literally everything about me, and by my best friends at that. They were just asking for domestic violence at that point. It made me really upset, and I'm not sure why. Tears stung my eyes, and I had to blink them away.

"Fine." I choked out. "I'm going to bed now."
The other three boys snickered.
"Kahl, it's only ten!" Cartman said, hardly concealing his laughter.

I ignored him, sat my dew on the floor, and rolled over on Stan's bed.
It wasn't funny.
I just wanted to rest.