Misery Loves Me {Kyman/South Park}

★ 3 ★

I woke up at three in the morning.
Despite the grogginess I felt, I decided to get up and get a something to drink, as my throat was surprisingly parched.

I didn't expect to walk into Stan's kitchen and find Cartman sitting on the counter, also having a sip of, knowing Cartman, what I assumed was pop.
When he turned to look and see who had come up behind him, I saw that his face was red. It looked like he had been crying.

"K-kahl!" He said, wiping his cheeks with his sleeve.

"Cartman." I responded, monotone, opening the fridge.

"W-what are you doing awake?" Cartman stammered, seeming shaken up by my presence.

"I could ask you the same thing, but I don't care enough to."
"Ugh." Cartman groaned, sliding down
from the counter. "You could be a little nicer to your boyfriend, you know."

I groaned in response. Was he joking?
"Okay, Cartman." The fridge came to a close, and I popped the cap on a soda. "You are taking this way too seriously. It's pretend. We're making this up."

"We should at least be convincing. It's called acting, idiot. What's the point in pretending if nobody believes us?"

He had a point. I was regretting showing up to this sleepover more and more. These assholes planned this. They wanted us to 'pretend' to date. I didn't know why, though, and it was pissing me off. I decided to dig a little bit. Cartman would probably spill eventually.

"Whatever." I took a sip of my pop. "Hey, you looked a little upset when I walked in. Are you alright?"

"Why would you care?"

"We're dating," I made air quotes with my fingers. "Remember?"

"Ugh, really, Kyle?" Cartman groaned, leaning back on the counter. "I'm fine."

Ah, already with the lies.
"Your face was red and wet. You were crying. You're not fine."

"We don't have to pretend right now, Kahl. Nobody's watching us."

I rolled my eyes. What a weak arguement, especially for Cartman. He was either trying really hard to hide whatever he was keeping from me, or not hard enough.

"Damn, I can't care about a friend all of a sudden? Fine, Cartman. Don't tell me, and don't come crying to me when whatever it is starts bothering you again." I said, trying out a harsher tone, coupled with reverse psychology. I turned on my heel and made way for the stairs, but I was stopped by the sound of Cartman's voice.

"I'm not feeling like myself lately." He paused briefly. "Since you wanted to know so badly. There it is, you persistent, stupid jew."

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I didn't even turn to look at him. I just went upstairs. And I dare say that, for at least a moment there, I felt some empathy for Cartman.