this is real life? >jg<

feelings

chapter 48:
me and joey werent offically together yet.

but whether im 5 million miles away from him, he makes me feel as were together

"what are you thinking about?"

i look away from what i was staring at, and looked at him lost

"what?" i ask

"i said what are you thinking about?"

"you, me.." i said shyly

he cuddles up to me, and nuzzles his head into my neck. i rub my hands on this soft hair, watching as he closes his eyes.

"i love you liana"

hearing joey say those words again. make time stop

i smile and kiss the top of his head before falling deeply into sleep.

--

i walk up panicked. i felt as i couldnt breath. i felt sweat and tears go down my face

joey soon wakes up, with a worried face

"whats wrong sweetheart?"

i just cry. "im sorry"

"no need to apologize" he says calmly "shh..its okay." he says repeatedly trying to calm me down

i slowly have my breathing back to normal, and fall back asleep.

the following morning i dont remember much from last night. i wake up to sheets

wheres joey? i begin to panic again making my breathing pace faster and wet tears come down my face

all im thinking is joey. joey. joey. hes gone, he left me.

joey quickly rushes into the room

"sweetheart"

"joey"

"what"

"joey" i begin to cry as i hug him tightly afraid to let go.

"whats wrong? please tell me."

"i thought i lost you."

"i never leave you. ever, i promise"

"im sorry, i love you"

"its okay" he say "look at me" i tilt my head from his chest "see look at you, beautiful"
he kisses her forehead

i blushed and layed back down sighing, this wasnt the first time i have had these panic attacks. they usually happen when im alone

but what confused me was joey was with me last night, or as i thought. it was my worst one.

for some reason i had thoughts running through my head, seeing joey dead and left me without even telling me. i lost him

though he loves me, as he says which i believe its true. i really hope he feels the same way and isnt just playing me.

but that thought hit me. what if he was? i quickly tried to take the bad thought out if my head and shut my eyes hoping i could just sleep it off.

//

for the rest of the week me and joey have been together a lot lately and it makes me happy.

if he was using me. i might as well take the chance to be with him, before time runs out and i lost my chance.

i would have my up and downs through those days, especially with my panic attacks. but joey makes me feel a lot better.

the only thing that i know whats bothering him is he doesnt know why i get my panic attacks. but i dont exactly know how to tell him, that its about him leaving me. because honestly feel he will leave me if i tell him.

"liana"

"what?"

"can you tell me something?"

"anything"

"what is causing your panic attacks? i want to help you."

i look down at my lap "joey" i sigh

"liana please" he begs

"i dont know."

"why not?"

"because im scared" i say quietly

"of what?" he lowers his voice

i stay quiet, still looking down

"of what liana?" he asks again

i look up with a worried face, i should tell him, i know i do but at the same time i shouldnt

"joey, im scared of you leaving me..i dont want you to leave me. i have been hurt so many times and i dont want it to happen again"

"liana, i would never leave you." he says grabbing my hand gently

i sigh "im sorry"

"you really shouldnt apologize,i could underatand why you feel like this, but i want to let you know that i not leaving, never letting go okay?"

"thank you joey."

we smile and cuddle, he really does make me feel a whole lot better, i do feel terrible for him having to deal with me 24/7, the reasons why i apologize.

but i have to be strong for joey. he all i have.