this is real life? >jg<

i was going to.....

chapter 39:

lately i have been confused and fustrated, it just suddely came to me the ngiht after i spent the whole day with sergio.

my mind has just been crazy and most of the time i cant think straight.

i was in my room in my bed staring at the ceiling, and suddenly i feel tears coming down my face

all these emotions just feel as if im surrounded by so many people and im not able to breath and it makes me want to scream and shout until my lungs run out of air

is this normal to everyone else? has anyone experienced these feelings and emotions?

what could have caused this?

but not only has thses feeling coming but the thought of not knowing what im doing with my life, am i getting married when im older? have children? or be alone forever because i completly ruined everything as i always do. no big suprise if it happens

i dont even know who i actually love anymore i thought i had feelings towards sergio from all the blushing and wierd feels but maybe im imagining all of this

this could all be a dream that i have never woken up by

what about joey i havent talked to him lately no texts or calls

what if he found someone else batter than me?

like i dont even exist anymore?

why do i feel mad about this? is this what jelously is feeling

i sit up and reach for my phone and send a quick text to joey, could this be real?

i text is my life real? are you really there?

he immedietly text back what are you talking about? of course your life is real. im here

i shut my phone off and quickly grab my keys and slip my shoes on and head out for the door

"hey where are you goi-" i didnt hear the rest of what callie said from the shut of the door

i ran to my car and drove. i drove for miles and miles and i kept going. nonstop

i didnt know what i was doing but i had to prove to myself that this is real life

that im here on this planet living

i drove until a cliff was near by

i didnt stop i was going to drive off the cliff

i went faster and faster and didnt stop

until i reached the end and i stopped.

i was freaked out as if i woke up in somewhere that i have no idea where i was

i looked around and gasped i was going to kill myself..

i was going to kill myself..

i was going to kill myself..

i backed up and drove to joeys

i knocked on his door

he opened "liana hey!" he said with a big smile

i kept a straight face and spoke "joey"

"what?" he said making his smile leave his face

"joey"

"what?"

"joey"

"liana are you okay? what?"

"i was going to kill myself"

"you were going to what!"

"i was going to kill myself" i said with tears streaming dowm my face

"liana....." he said starting at me

i looked up at him and just stood there staring at him