Falling for Grayson : birdflash

Ch6: Fire

I didn't understand why her liking my best friend upset me so much.

No, that wasn't it. What upset me was the possibility that my best friend would like her in the same way.

But why should it? It wasn't like I were to act on my feelings. I was hoping that these feelings for my friend would eventually disappear into the ether like smoke to a fire. Yet it was as if the fire was within me and the only place for the smoke to go was my lungs. Perhaps love is the fire and its expression is the smoke that needs to be let out. But I need to put out this fire, to go back to when my love for him was in friendship, back when I was with Artemis.

Why couldn't I feel towards Artemis the way I feel about the Boy Wonder? I loved Artemis in many of the ways I do for Dick, but when it came to kissing her or holding her hand, I felt nothing. I felt as if I were following some performance of how things should be. I felt no warmth, no fire.

Up until recently I've interpreted my admiration for Dick Grayson to be just that, admiration. I couldn't accept that my appreciation of his virtues, skills, humour, and looks were even possibly romantic. The idea of that being the case was both warming yet extremely confusing.

* * *

Perhaps the warmth of the fire is within all of us and it is our choice whether to hold our breath and suffocate from its smoke, or to speak of its warmth, to let the expression leave our bodies and let the fire grow.

Even if that is true, even if that is how life is supposed to be, I don't know if I could do it. And if Dick doesn't feel the same way, then I'll have ruined our friendship. As reckless as Dick may think I am, I'd never risk our friendship. Perhaps I can bear the smoke.

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Q: Sad love song recommendations?