BANGIN' (Urban)

THIRTY-SEVEN

Nadine had only one hazy memory of being part of a happy family.

She was eight, towering over a three-year old Nadia. Her mother and father had taken them to the park, after having begged for days to go outside and play in the snow. She couldn't remember what state they were living in-- either Georgia or Texas-- since they had moved around so much.

Her mother ran around the small park chasing Nadia, who stumbled around everywhere. Nadine took to the swings, asking her father to push her. She would've been a daddy's girl if he were around more, but she did cling to him whenever he did come around.

"Push me harder! I want to go higher, higher!" She giggled. She wanted to touch the sky and see the place where the snowflakes were coming from, she wanted to fly.

Cold wind whistled past her ears and chilled her cheeks as Teddy pushed gently. "You sure?" he asked. She nodded excitedly.

At her request, he pushed harder than he had before, and she flew right off the swing. She landed in a soft pile of snow with a muted thud, swallowing a handful fallen snow.

Nadia and Evelyn must have been on the opposite end of the park, or maybe they didn't notice, but Nadine immediately began to panic when she hit the ground. Her body felt frozen from the weather and the impact, and she forgot how to move, how to breathe. All she could feel was the snow and ice mixing in her throat, choking her.

Teddy ran to her side, flipping her over and sitting her up. He patted her back, knocking the ice out of her mouth. Still, she was wheezing and struggling to get air in, shock clouding her brain.

"Nadine, just breathe girl. You remember how to do that?" Her father asked.

She shook her head no, making him laugh. "Alright, just do what I'm doin'. In and out... see?" He demonstrated for her and she copied him, feeling air-- not ice-- reenter her lungs.

"You good. Come on," he stood her up, dusted the snow off her jacket and her hair, and held her hand as they went to find her mother and sister.

The man before her now was all at once the same and a different Teddy. He looked the same, just older, but his eyes were never as kind as they were that day; today they looked even more sinister. The distant memory of the man who picked her up and dusted her off faded away, until all Nadine was left with was an image of her lying face down in the snow. In this moment, she was there: she could feel the panic gripping her throat, as if ice was being stuffed down her throat.

She couldn't breathe.

She had thought about this day very rarely since running away from home. Initially, she was afraid he'd try to come find her. At that time she didn't know why he would, as the memory of her father murdering someone was buried far, far into the depths of her mind.

But after that, she realized that she never meant anything to him. He wouldn't try looking for her, because he didn't care where she ended up.

Now that the day had come for her to finally see her father again-- the one person she hated most in this world-- Nadine found herself unprepared. Not at all ready for the places her mind would go as she laid eyes on him.

First came the beautiful memory of the park date, then came everything else.

Snatching her up once he realized what she saw him do. Injecting her with drugs she had no clue about, in an effort to make her forget. Rage coursing through her body, because she couldn't understand what was happening to her. That first night on the street. Meeting Cinnamon. The day Titus became her pimp. The night she met Braxton. All the pain, all the sadness, threatening to eat her alive.