Love After You

Chapter 16

It was late March before the album was finally finalised and he was allowed to book time off work.

Working with Noise was like nothing else he'd ever experienced. The talent of the musicians and the music itself were mesmerizing. It was such an awe-inspiring moment to be able to say, "I was a part of that." But the moment came and went, and now they were waiting for the advertisement to do its thing and be able to release the album in the summer. They were also going on tour, and they told Jake he could go to any show, backstage passes included.

He was sure Jess would love that.

Now that the hype was dwindling, he found that he was exhausted. He had been working overtime after overtime, spending mornings, afternoons, and most evenings in the studio. So now that it was over, he couldn't wait for a well-deserved break.

Spending time with Jess these last few months was like torture. The lingering stares, any kind of contact with her, made him feel so alive, but he was doomed to stay in the land of wanting.

It always came crashing down the moment any type of feelings got involved. She'd flee, any sign of feelings surfacing, and she would literally sometimes run away.

Or maybe he was imagining it all and going insane.

He had almost kissed her twice now. And she'd turned him down both times. It was heart-wrenching to want someone so much who didn't want him back. Or who only wanted him because of her own confused feelings.

She had been on a few dates, and he was trying his best to be a supportive friend, but it made him heavy with jealousy.

It should be him sitting across from her at a candlelit table, him making her laugh at a corny joke, him kissing her goodnight outside her front door.

But it wasn't. And the thought of anyone else doing that plagued him.

She hadn't been out with anyone since her last bad date, and he was thankful.

He was enraged by the thought of creeps touching her and men making her feel even slightly scared. The thought of anyone hurting her in any way was more than he could bear. If anyone touched her, he was sure he would explode with rage, seeking out his revenge in the only way he deemed fit. Death.

He could definitely do without the prison time.

But he tried to remind himself that he had no right to feel that way. Sure, as a friend, he wanted what was best for her and for her safety, but it wasn't just a friendly worry. He knew it. He was jealous because he would never be that guy that she dated.

There was also the issue of what she had told him the last time things got a bit heated. That she was confusing her feelings for Adam with him. He could understand how that might be the case, they used to hangout together a lot and it was perhaps expected for wires to get crossed. Maybe she could move on from it though, see him as his own person instead of Adam's friend?

But it was unfair to ask that of her when he was still unsure himself if she he could ever see her as anyone other than Adam's wife.

There was glimpses. Sometimes he caught himself watching her as she did normal things, like eating her food, or playing with her hair and for a second, he could see her as his. His girl. But it was fleeting, soon replaced with the undeniable truth that she was his best friend widower, and he had no right feeling the way he did towards her.

***

It was open-mic night tonight. The usual nerves swarmed in his belly, flooding his brain and making him forget the chords to all the songs he swore he knew by heart.