Love After You

Chapter 19

Saying goodbye to Adam on top of that mountain was one of the hardest things Jake has ever had to do.

How can you say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go?

Jake used humour to keep his true feelings hidden. Trying to lighten the situation to protect Jessica as much as he could but underneath it all, he was a mess to.

Adam was such a big part of his life.

They had been friends for so long, and the void without him for these 18 months had been deep, dark, and empty.

He no longer had a gym buddy, a friend with whom he could get into mischief. The friend that he could turn to for anything without judgment was suddenly gone. Adam knew him like no one else did; he knew the deepest, darkest parts of him, and he still liked him.

Adam wasn't without his faults; he knew that, but the pros definitely outweighed the cons. And to him, the cons didn't even seem that bad.

In the first couple of weeks after Adams' death, Jake found it easy to distract himself with women and alcohol. He was good with women; he knew how to flirt and the right things to say. It was easy to find himself in their beds and forget his pain for an evening; it was a welcome release. But the next morning, the numbness would return, and he would have to search for a new distraction again.

Then came the funeral.

He could still remember vividly the shade of the dark brown wood coffin, it was smooth and cold to the touch. He remembered thinking that it looked smaller than he had imagined. His eyes blurred as he carried him in with his family, all of them holding back sobs and chokes as they walked down the aisle with him on their shoulders.

And then he saw Jess, her face red with tears, her hands trembling as she reached out to touch his coffin as they lowered him to the stand.

He couldn't take his eyes off her. He wished he could take her pain away and feel it for her.

Instead, he turned away and headed to his seat. Once he sat down, he tuned everything out. Once the speeches were done, he searched for the nearest bottle and woman he could find when they all made their way back to their home for the wake.

He could still remember Jessica's disgusted eyes as she looked at him after she found him with that woman. They had cut deeper than any knife could.

After that, he decided he had to sort himself out. He stopped sleeping around, and instead he focused on work and Emily. And they'd done well. He worked very hard and moved up in his job quickly. He loved every second of it. Things with Emily didn't end well, but she had helped him through a dark time, and he would always be grateful for that.

And now he had Jess back in his life. The one person who understood. He found it easy to focus all his pain on helping her heal.

But now, his grief has caught up with him, and tears stung his eyes.

He stood there watching Jess shake the urn, Adams' ashes blowing away in the breeze.

And that was it.

He was gone.

As if he had never existed at all.

All those memories, all those talks, all those laughs and tears and smiles, simply gone as though they never happened.

Jess turned to him, her cheeks shining wet. Her bottom lip was quivering. "He's in the wind now." He said, the words leaving his mouth before he could think. She blinked, tear droplets thick in her eyelashes, as she nodded. Then she started to sob. Tears streamed down her face. Jake reached out and pulled her to him, stroking her hair as he tried to piece her back together.