𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐇 (Ash Trilogy #2) ✔️

22

The blood rolls down me. It drips down, leaving a red-stained trail. It rolls like water, a faint drip, drip, drip, landing on the white tiling below my feet.

It's dark red. It covers me. 

I killed innocents. After promising I'd be done, for Aurora.

I can't feel anything despite being coated in redness. I feel numb. I look numb. As I stand here, looking at myself in the mirror, there are no emotions behind my brown eyes. I tilt my head, ever so slightly, making my blonde hair fall across my forehead a little. 

Emptiness. My eyes are like a void. I don't even recognize my reflection. 

I've spent so long trying to become better. 

I don't want to be like this anymore.

I don't want to kill.

I don't want to be a murderer.

I don't want to be a sick fucking psychopath.

I thought I had to do it....I thought he hurt Aurora's dad, I thought I needed to protect her.

But instead, all I did, was prove that I'm still the same sick fucking monster that I'll always be. I can't change. I keep continuing to try, and try, and try. But always, I end up covered in blood.

I force my eyes away from my reflection. I can't even look at myself.

Aurora deserves better than me.

The realization cuts deeper than any knife on Earth and goes so deep that it grazes the firey pits of Hell inside of me. I feel this aching pain in my entire body, as I realize I will never be good enough for her.

I push the shower curtain aside, as I step into the water which had been running for far too long. It hits me, it drips down my skin, taking the blood from my stab wound with it. I did a terrible job stitching it up but I couldn't be bothered to put any more effort into it.

Although the hot water hits my skin, it's like I can't feel it.

I don't want to be like this. I never asked to be born this way. I don't want to take lives without feeling guilty about it. I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to be the same kind of man that Aurora should be protected from. 

She made me feel. She's the only way I feel.

But I don't deserve her, and I never will.

I'm sick.

I'm a sick fucking monster.

A sound comes from my throat that I had never made in my entire life. The entire world around me feels silent, I can't even hear the water hitting the tiles beneath me. 

I need to break up with her.

I'm hurting her. I've killed her friends, her coworkers, her ex fucking boyfriend. I'm ruining her life. I'm ruining her, and she doesn't even fucking know it.

The noise comes from my throat again, as tears drip from my eyes. I feel this pain in every nerve I have. I feel it in every possible way, mentally, and physically. It's like a gunshot went off, pointed right at my heart, and now it was falling out of me. 

I press my hands against the shower wall in front of me and lower my head as I begin to sob. My throat feels tight, I feel as if I were in the worse pain of my entire life, and I feel the warm tears pouring from my eyes as my face twists in pain.

I love her. I love her more than anybody could ever love anything on this entire planet.

I'd do anything for her.