Ava & Beatrice ( Warrior Nun )

Don't be

(Ava)

"Shot, shot, shot!" I kept screaming and laughing. "C'mon Bea, one more."

"No, no, no , I had enough, Ava. How can you keep going?" She giggled giving me a confused look. Actually, I'd say more of a judgy one than confused. But I loved it. I loved everything about her.

"Just one more and I promise I won't ask again," I said in a playful tone.

"Okay, just one more." Bea replied gently and looked me into my eyes as if she finally found what she was always searching for. I reciprocated her gaze and for a while we just stood there, losing ourselves in each other's eyes, hoping this will last forever.

I finally turned away and ordered two more shots: " Hans, zwei mehr. Danke." When I looked back at Bea, I realized she still kept her eyes on me. Her gaze always felt like she could see the real me. Like she could read my deepest desires and fears. It caressed my soul and took away all the worries.

Meantime, Hans handed over two more shots and with that I slid one to Bea.
"Remember? You promised you'll teach me how to dance and I'll teach you how to drink. I delivered my part, so it seems it's your turn, your royal highness. " I teased.

She smirked at me scanning my face.
"Mmmm, well, I always honor my promises." We took a shot and I grabbed her hand pulling her to the dance floor. Abba always brings the best moves in people and I finally learned classical disco moves. We jumped, we swirled moved in the rhythm of the music like there is no tomorrow. I'd lie if I said I was good at it. Suddenly the music changed and they started playing a slow dance song. I guess jumping won't work on that one. Bea leaned over, and whispered to my ear: " Would you like me to show you how to dance like royals?"
It took me by surprise. I'd never seen this side of her. Unafraid of her actions. I was too stunned to speak. She noticed my confusion, moved her lips into smile and then, she gently took my hand, made a step forward and put her hand around my waist. "Let yourself be lead," she whispered and I could feel the slight touch of her lips on my ear. A sensation flashed throughout my body and all I could do is to give in. The slow rhythm carried us away and the song spoke to us with its kind words.

Maybe it couldn't work out
In the end
Maybe this what I deserve now
Better off as friends

And I know
I'm not perfect with love
But maybe
I could be worth your love

Fall in love with you, you
My love
Fall in love with you, you
My love
Fall in love with you, you
My love
Fall in love with you, you

I closed my eyes and slowly rested a part of my forehead on Bea's cheek. I wanted to stay like this forever, absorb every moment thoroughly, feel her heartbeat, her smell, her whole being. There was no need for words. She led me to the places unknown with her presence.

"I didn't mean it." Bea unexpectedly announced.

"Didn't mean what?" I asked not knowing what is she aiming for.

"When I rejected your offer. I didn't mean it."

I could feel her body tense. She was always trying to hide her distress but whenever something changed, she closed off, built these walls around her to protect herself from the outer world. It pained me not to be able to reach out but no wall could ever stop me from following her. "Bea, I know. You did what you had to do. You did what you deemed appropriate and right. You don't have to be sorry for that."

"No. I did what I did because I was scared."

"Scared of what?" I could sense the burden she carries on her shoulders and yet I could not figure out what is she trying to say.

Her body relaxed. We stayed silent for a moment. After a while, she turned her head , looked me into my eyes and replied my question. "Loving you. I was scared of loving you." I gave her a gentle smile and leaned forward to rest my forehead on hers. Slowly, I laid my hand and caressed her soft check.

"I thought I was not worth of your love but I never doubted my feelings for you," she paused for a moment and then continued her sentence, "I'm still scared."

"Don't be." I looked at her one more time to assure her I love her for who she is. The silence meant everything and nothing. She's like an ocean that feels like home, yet never yours, never fully known and so easily lost in her. She's like a sun warming the coldest days of yours, when everything feels hopeless and gone. She's like a moon that you admire from a far, so humble, so fascinating whispering the songs of the forbidden lovers. I see her in the brightest colors, I smell her In the field of flowers. I could recognize her silhouette in the darkest places, and I would sacrifice myself thousand times just to save her. There was no need for me to tell her more, cause my action will do it justice. I leaned forward, pressed my lips on hers and showed her all frequencies of my love.

***

Wake up, Ava. Wake up.

PS: Thank you guys for reading this story. Today I've dreamt about them and all I could think is to create a version of my dream in this story. I tried to capture all the feelings I felt and I hope you'll feel it too. The song that is mentioned before is a real song that I connected to this scene. It's called Fall in love with you by Montell Fish. Thank you all once again.