The Way It Was - Abridged (Complete)

7

Halos dalawang linggo akong nawala pero maayos naman ang lahat. The bulk of the administrative responsibility was on Pippo's shoulders. Kung tutuusin talaga, isa lang akong glorified assistant ni Pippo. Pilit lang binigyan ng titulo. Nagpumilit lang din naman kasi akong maging involved.

I loved the clinic. I liked being able to help. I wanted to be near Lolo Hank. I liked taking care of him.

My current situation was almost perfect. I had everything I needed. I was happy.

Pero bakit hindi mawala-wala ang pressure sa dibdib ko? It was not because of guilt. It was not just because of the awareness that I had done something wrong. It was having that feeling again and losing it after a night.

It was being reminded of what it was like to be with Roarke and knowing I would never have that again.

It was being reminded of having those big and intense feelings and knowing I'd never feel anything even remotely close to that with another man.

It had to be Roarke.

It would always be Roarke.

Marahas akong nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga. Tumayo ako at nagpasya na bumaba na muna para kumustahin si Lolo Hank.

Walang pasyente sa klinika niya na ikinagulat ko dahil bihirang-bihira iyong mangyari.

"Gusto mo ng taho, Yani?" tanong ni Abby, ang nurse-assistant ni Lolo Hank. She was also married to Lola Martha's grandson Eloy. Dahil kay Abby kaya hindi ko gaanong kailangang mag-alala kay Lolo Hank habang nasa klinika. She took good care of him.

"Dumating na ang taho ni Doc," patuloy ni Abby. "Wala na siyang pasyente, makakapagmeryenda siya nang maayos. Gusto mo rin?"

"No, I'm good. Thank you."

"Wait lang." Nagtungo siya sa kitchenette at pumasok naman ako sa klinika ni Lolo. Natagpuan ko ang matanda na nakaharap sa tablet computer niya, kunot na kunot ang noo.

"What's the problem?" tanong ko.

"I can't pull up a patient's file."

Nilapitan ko siya at tinulungan. Kagaya ng karamihan sa mga may-edad na, challenge ang technology para kay Lolo Hank. But I had to commend him for trying to keep up. Hindi sarado ang isipan niya. He was willing to try to learn kahit na talaga namang mahirap. The man survived Harvard medical school, he could operate a computer.

Naupo ako sa exam bed habang abala siya sa anumang binabasa sa tablet niya. "Are you okay?" tanong uli niya kapagkuwan.

"Yes," mabilis kong tugon.

Tumingin siya sa akin. Parang inaalam niya kung nagsasabi ako nang totoo o hindi. Hindi ko kaagad iniiwas ang mga mata ko at pinanatili ko ang ngiti sa aking mga labi, pero hindi ko rin kinaya paglaon. Iniiwas ko ang paningin ko.

"Something happened," aniya. "You've been different since you got back. I expected you to be happier dahil nakasama mo na ang mga magulang at kuya mo sa wakas. I know you terribly missed them. I told you, it's okay to have a month-long vacation. Masyado mong inalala ang pag-alis ni Azun. Kaya ko namang mag-isa. You should've stayed longer."

"I'm okay," paniniguro ko. Hindi rin naman talaga ako nagsisinungaling. I was fine with the days I spent with the family. "I am happy to have spent time with them. But I was also ready to go home."

Ilang sandali na nanahimik si Lolo Hank. "Do you wanna go back?" seryoso niyang tanong. "Because it's okay to go back."

Ilang sandali ang kinailangan ko bago ko talaga naunawaan ang sinasabi niya. He was asking if I wanted to go back to the States for good. Nilapitan ko siya at niyakap. Pagkatapos ay hinagkan ko ang ibabaw ng ulo niya. "I love you so much. Kailangan mo pa po akong pagtiyagaan. Hindi po kita iiwan."