The Way It Was - Abridged (Complete)

33

Now

I KNEW Roarke would eventually have to leave and I didn't want to really think about it, but I also didn't let myself forget. I tried to prepare for that. I would always tell myself I knew where he belonged.

I would tell myself I'd be okay. We would be fine.

But I had no idea how to be okay, how we would be fine.

When Roarke started going outside to take calls, I knew it was starting. They wanted him back. He and Bobby would be busy with their computers and phones. Makikita kong parang naiinis siya at pilit niyang itatago sa akin. Hindi ko siya tinatanong kung ano ang nangyayari dahil parang alam ko naman. Hindi ko alam ang details pero alam ko ang kabuuan.

O natatakot akong malaman talaga ang lahat. Ignorance was bliss.

Pero hindi ko ganap na maiwasan ang mga nakatakdang mangyari. Nakita ko na sinubukan ni Roarke na umiwas o i-delay ang lahat. He avoided calls and his laptop remained shut for a while.

And then Bobby looked stressed again. He would mumble about needing a job to pay for the bills.

Then the new tour dates were posted online. Roarke was back on his phone and laptop. He was in a very foul mood.

"I told you I don't wanna do it! I'm not ready to–You're not listening to me. My God, Scotty, I'm not asking for too much. I just need more time. I've given you everything! All I'm asking is some time with my wife! Oh, that easy, huh? Why didn't I think of that?"

Pinanood ko si Roarke habang galit siyang nakikipag-usap sa phone. The veins on his neck were popping out and he was really angry. Hindi man lang nagtangkang lumapit ni Bobby.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. I knew what to do. It was going to be hard but I did it before, I could do it again.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng kusina. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin doon kaya sandali akong umikot sa space. Binuksan ko ang ref at pinagmasdan ang loob pero parang wala naman talaga akong nakikita. Hindi ko naman gustong kumain. Tapos na ang merienda at masyado pang maaga para maghanda ng hapunan.

Naramdaman kong sinamahan ako ni Roarke sa kusina. Isinara ko ang ref at hinarap siya. He still looked a little pissed.

"Storm is back on tour?" tanong ko.

Tumango si Roarke.

"So Storm's gonna leave his wife and baby to fulfill the band's obligations, and you're here being a little bitch."

"What?" usal ni Roarke. Parang hindi niya mapaniwalaan ang narinig mula sa akin. "A little bitch?"

"Yes, you are being one right now."

Pinagmasdan niya ako, nababaghan. Ibinuka niya ang bibig at parang may sasabihin pero parang nagbago ang isipan niya sa huling sandali at muli niyang itinikom ang bibig. Tumalikod siya sa akin at alam kong aalis siya bago pa man siya humakbang palayo.

Mabilis akong sumunod sa kanya. My mouth ran off before I could help myself and before I could think things through. "I think we should get a divorce."

"Okay!"

Hindi iyon ang inasahan ko mula sa kanya. The realization knocked the breath out of me. "Okay?!"

Marahas siyang humarap sa akin. "Let's get a divorce and we're getting married again. A proper church wedding where Lolo or your dad can walk you down the aisle. Or do you prefer a beach wedding? We've never really talked about the actual ceremony. We've never really planned it. We just wanted to get married. I guess that's why we got married in Vegas. We'd have a big splashy wedding this time. A wedding that we'd both remember. I want a marriage that's not a long distance."