The Way It Was - Abridged (Complete)

15

Now

"DRINK."

Tinanggap ko ang inabot ni Lolo Hank na isang baso ng tubig. "I'm sorry," sabi ko pagkatapos kong uminom. Mas kalmado na ako pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang sarili ko sa pagso-sorry. Kusa na lang nanunulas sa bibig ko ang mga salita. Parang wala akong kontrol.

Hinaplos ni Lolo Hank ang pisngi ko. "It's okay, darling." Iyon ang palaging tugon niya sa akin sa tuwina. Parang hindi siya nayayamot na paulit-ulit ako.

Pinukol niya ng hindi magandang tingin si Roarke na nakaupo sa hindi kalayuan. Kasalukuyan kaming nasa study ni Lolo. Hindi niya madalas na gamitin ang silid. Hindi lang dahil may klinika siya kundi dahil labis siyang nangungulila kay Lola Marianna sa tuwing naroon siya.

They shared that study when my grandmother was still alive. Mas gamit nga ni Lola Marianna ang silid na iyon dahil sa pagiging teacher niya. Naroon pa rin ang malaking desk niya at mga abubot.

Nagpasya si Lolo Hank na iyon ang tamang lugar para kausapin kami ni Roarke pagkatapos kong kumalma.

Tumingin ako kay Roarke na tahimik lang. "Are we really married?" tanong ko. "Did we really get married that time?"

Tumango si Roarke. "Yes."

Naipikit ko ang aking mga mata. Hindi ko talaga maiproseso ang kaalaman na mahigit isang dekada akong kasal sa lalaking ito. I was the wife. I had always been the wife. Kaya hindi maungkat ng publiko ang pangalan ko. Kaya hindi makalap ang mga larawan ng asawa ni Roarke.

Dahil walang kamalay-malay ang babaeng kasal sa kanya. Hindi ko alam na kasal ako sa kanya.

"This couldn't–shouldn't be legal," nasabi ko. "It's insane."

"We're married," tanging tugon ni Roarke.

Parang gusto kong maiyak at matawa nang sabay.

"Tell me how this happened," ani Lolo Hank sa malumanay na tinig.

"It's my first music festival as the vocalist of the band," ani Roarke. "It was a huge success. After the show, we went to a few after parties."

"We partied hard," dagdag ko. "I can't remember when we decided to get married. I can't remember who wanted to get married. Probably an Elvis impersonator married us."

"No, it's a normal dude."

Tiningnan ko nang masama si Roarke. "If I don't remember anything about that marriage ceremony, so do you, Roarke." Sigurado ako sa bagay na iyon. He had blackouts when he was using.

"Matt was with us. He was our witness. He said he tried to stop us with the insane idea, but we were insistent. Very. And I told you I'd marry you. You said I have to give you the rock and roll lifestyle you deserve after everything you did for me."

"It was a joke," naiinis kong sabi. Matt was his bodyguard at the time.

"I know. But you know I'd marry you."

Iniiwas ko ang mga mata ko. "Did Matt tell you? When?"

"He had no idea that both of us had no memory of what happened. He said we didn't look so out of it. We looked sober, happy and very much in love. He just always assumed we knew we're married. He's heartbroken when we broke up. Then I had issues with my visa applications when the band started to tour in Europe. That's when I learned I was not single. I was married to you. We got married in Vegas."

"You didn't tell me. You know I don't remember. You must've known I don't remember."

"I'm not sure of that."