My Reincarnated Life Is Wrong, Source: Me

Episode 10

~My First Date Was Not As I Expected~

A long time ago in a fucking anime world far, far away...

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OREGAIRU WARS

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Episode V

HARUNO STRIKES BACK

It is a dark time for the one known as Hikigaya Hachiman.

Abandoned by the cutest little sister in the world and betrayed by his cold-hearted bitch of a squadmate from the Service (club).

Captured, a former soldier now finds himself in the grasp of Yukinoshita Haruno.

Scary! It's super scary you knooooow~...

I watched the crawl of gold text scroll by with dead lifeless eyes as the John Williams score faded. Wondering not for the first time, just how many copyright strikes it would take before this fucking anime world ended.

Not far away from the shopping mall, Haruno and I were sitting across from each other inside of a certain coffee chain that all the normies and hipsters loved. Their base coffee was fucking terrible. So I was drinking an iced tea that I regretted buying while trying to ignore the uncomfortable amount of attention we were getting right now...

Seriously, what the hell Haruhi?

She's not a movie star and I'm not her shady manager damn it...

Annoying.

Haruno finished taking a sip from 'mocha choca latte ya ya~'.

'Creole Lady Marmalade~'

'Voulez-vous coucher avec moi~, ce soir~? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi~?'

My soulful reprieve with distraction-chan was interrupted as Haruno began to speak.

"So Hikigaya-kun~, tell me~, what is your relationship with Yukino-chan~?"

"We're just clubmates."

"Just clubmates hmm~. Ne~, did you join Yukino-chan's club so you could get close to her~? My~! What would Shizuka-chan say about you chasing a high school girl~?!"

I looked into those pretty, angular, calculating, violet eyes of hers, and snorted.

"Don't even try to joke about setting me up with your sister Haruno-san, you should know just by the fact that Shizuka is my fiancé, that I'm into 'older women'. And Shizuka was the only reason I joined that stupid club in the first place."

"Oh really~...?" Tell your onee-san more~. Are what those pretty eyes of hers said. I let out a sigh.

"Allegedly, I wrote a cringey essay about how youth was a lie, that pushed all of Shizuka's buttons, so as a punishment, she forced me into the Service...club."

"Piff—Yeah~, I can totally see Shizuka-chan doing something like that~."

"Hey, Are YOU going to tell your sister that the name she picked for her club is..., inappropriate? I think Shizuka is too embarrassed to because of how she approved of it without really thinking. I'd tell her myself, only I'm afraid that she would stab me..."