Our Mask [Shinso Hitoshi X Reader]

Chapter 11 - Severed

The purple-haired man had been waiting for the chance to speak to you again and he thanked Smudge for giving him just that. The little feline snuggled into his little blanket, completely unaware of anything going on between its two caretakers and Hitoshi found himself smiling at the cat's innocence. He picked up the box carefully and headed over to your apartment, ready to find out why you'd been so off yesterday.

To his surprise, you weren't waiting for him there. He furrowed his eyebrows as he noticed a note on your slightly ajar door.

Go ahead and put him down wherever you want. I'm catching up on a little bit of sleep.

Hitoshi stared at the note much longer than it took for him to read it. The hope he had of speaking to you was slowly being crushed and a small part of him wanted to ignore what you wrote so he could shake you awake and you would acknowledge him. He wouldn't, though.

He pushed the door open and immediately noted your heavy and uneven breaths; you were facing away from him and his heart hurt a little with the suspicion that you weren't even sleeping. His thoughts were only confirmed when he want to set Smudge's box down at the side you were facing and your eyes were closed a tad too tight for someone asleep.

He straighetened himself and shoved his hands in his pockets. He could see your breathing getting more ragged--you were desperately trying to keep him convinced that you were asleep for some reason. Confusion was coursing through his mind. Desperation followed closely. He swallowed. A small cry from Smudge finally sounded through the room and the broken silence gave him the courage he needed to speak.

"I'll pick him up at 8", he announced. Your eyes shot open at his indirect way of saying he wasn't falling for your ruse and you cursed yourself as you realized that you unintentionally revealed your blatant lie in surprise. Your eyes met his.

Unlike yours, his eyes showed no surprise at all. They looked at you with a silent plea and a sea of emotions. You looked away, nodding instead of responding, not being able to bear the look he was giving you. You heard him stay for a few seconds but soon enough the tension of the room lighetened when he crouched one last time to scratch the kitten's chin--his informal way of giving it a goodbye. He turned and finally walked out the door, making sure to close your door behind him.

You finally uncovered yourself with the blanket and took a deep breath. Your breathing had become overwhelming to yourself when Hitoshi was in the room and you wondered why despite him knowing you were intentionally avoiding him, he was still being so patient. It was clear it hurt him. He also knew you knew it was hurting him, which only added to his inner turmoil. It added so much to yours too.

Your brain kept trying to convince you that this could be okay. At some point, he can leave you behind, right? But as you asked yourself that, your eyes began to water. Why were you crying about getting what you wanted?

Then again, you didn't want to end your friendship with Hitoshi. You were only doing this to protect Aimi. She's been through too much because of the man and you would hate to put her through more. It was ridiculous that you were having to take sides.

You stood up and glanced at yourself in the mirror. Despite your best attempts to not cry, your eyes were now swollen and red. Your shirt was also slightly messed up and you noticed the mark that poked out.

Right. The mark meant that you and Hitoshi were supposed to be something for each other. You laughed with sadness as you shook your head. What a load of bullshit. If it was meant to be, why was fate throwing problems at your face like this?

I'm getting carried away, you realized. There was an innocent cat crying out for food at the side of your bed. You fixed your shirt as you walked to the cat's box, your mood getting slightly better at the sight of his obvious growth. He was only a little bigger but his eyes were open and looking back at you with a cuteness that made you let out a much needed laugh. His tiny front legs moved around in an attempt to crawl closer to you and you smiled at him. You just couldn't be in a bad mood at the sight.

∴ ∴ ∴ ∴ ∴

Hitoshi sighed as he walked the streets. He wanted to be able to concentrate on his job so badly but there'd been a point in which he was so zoned out that he'd tripped over trash on the pavement. The man mindlessly picked up the plastic wrapper and discarded it in a nearby trash can, feeling his self-control leave him as he zoned out again.

The look you'd given him earlier today had basically confirmed that you were acting different towards him on purpose. Something was definitely on your mind, and as a result, now it was on his. 

The thoughts that you were mad at him or he did something wrong to you were creeping up on him and as much as he wanted to fight them, the mix of emotions inside him were overpowering his rationality with ease. It would explain why you were so determined to avoid him, even if you knew he was aware.

Hitoshi was desperate to know what changed so suddenly. Last time the two of you talked was on your way back from the diner, getting food for both Aizawa and Smudge on your way back and your behavior was so different. You were so you at that moment without a care in the world, talking with him about anything that came up in that head of yours. He wanted you back to that. 

He wanted you back to him.

∴ ∴ ∴ ∴ ∴

You looked at the time. It read 8:06, which meant Hitoshi would arrive soon and you had no idea how to avoid talking to him much when you didn't have an excuse to rely on. Not that he'd believed you this morning, clearly, but he didn't bring it up. It was like he wanted you to approach him. All of this was bringing you back to the first three days you knew each other but you didn't go through those memories once you heard a knock at your door.

You opened the door and followed its movement, immediately making way for Hitoshi to enter your house yet he didn't step in. He only looked at you with furrowed brows at your lack of a greeting. The sight made your already emotional state hurt a little more and you decided, one small little greeting wouldn't hurt, right?

"Hi..."

Your voice came out quieter than you expected and you winced at the look the man was giving you. You knew he was being patient for whatever was going out with you but he wasn't liking how you were ignoring him. That much was obvious. He wasn't far from a stranger anymore and you should know better than to expect him saying nothing.

"(Name), what's going on lately? I don't want to make assumptions for you, but if I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't want to talk to me anymore", he laughed humorlessly, his eyes trailing off from your own. His guess hurt and you wanted nothing more than for him to know that this was just another misunderstanding between the two of you, but you felt yourself be thrown back to the days where you couldn't let him know why you wouldn't talk to him. 

Instead of answering, you turned and picked up the box that Smudge spent his time sleeping in. You walked to him slowly and avoided his gaze. Despite that, you could imagine the hurt he was probably feeling at your silence.

"I fed him three times. He shouldn't get hungry anymore", you mumbled instead as you handed him the cat. You forced yourself to look up at him and his eyes weren't on you. They looked dejected and your heart broke. His face didn't show anything else: no desperation, confusion, or hope. You were looking at a face of pure dejection and he ignored your words, maintaining his gaze on the cat. 

"Goodnight, Shinso", you whispered as you stepped back and closed the door. You didn't close it fast enough to miss the pang of hurt that flashed across his face before he was out of your view.

You broke your heart, and his, over and over again as you two repeated this cycle for a week.

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Short chapter because angst is very hard to write as someone who's never written anything before, but I'm not feeling so bad about it. Also, I'm most likely updating again today later on :)

I love you <3