Control (Dark Romance)

Chapter 15

Picture of Nikola

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Nikola's P.O.V

The worst part was, it was my fault.

I couldn't blame anyone else- I'd seen to that. In this, I'd made all the decisions, so there was no one else to fault or claim I would've done any better in their position because I hadn't.

I'd had full control over the situation, and now, the very worst thing that could've happened, happened. So it was my fault. It was all my fault.

"Nikola," I look up from where my fingers tapped atop my thigh to meet Dr.Otu's gentle coral gaze. "I asked how you were."

"Oh," I reply while I think of an appropriate response. "I'm not doing particularly well."

She frowns, her expression turning sympathetic as she shifts in her hanging owl chair. The movement makes the suspended furniture swing slightly, causing a short pendulum that confiscates my attention for some time.

When it eventually settles, I'm amidst my fingers' three-count muted song before I remember where I am. I look back at Dr.Otto, not surprised in the slightest to find her watching me patiently.

"Did you reply?" I ask, and she nods. "I'm sorry."

"You never have to apologise to me for being who you are, Nikola," she reminds me for what was roughly the nineteen hundredth time in my life. "I said that I was sorry to hear that. You were quite happy the last time we saw one another."

I nod, remembering how I could hardly concentrate on our conversation, too fixed on replying to Hagen's messages. In all honesty, I had no recollection of what we discussed during that session. All I could remember was Hagen's enthused ranting of how much he hated winter.

His messages had kept me company long after the session had ended, even illuminating my room in the early morning hours.

Now, the small object sat silently beside me, as it had been for three days now.

"Yes, I was."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"I don't," I reply honestly. "But I can tell you that it was my fault."

"Why do you say that?" She prompts, her pen diligently scratching into her leafed scroll.

"I messed up, again," the admission causes the weight on my shoulders to double. "I was the one who messed up. Therefore, it's my fault."

"It's very easy to put all the blame on ourselves when we're sad or upset. Are you sure it was entirely your fault?" Dr.Otu asks, her words carefully measured as always. "You are in a relationship, Nikola- that requires two people."

"I know, but it was my fault, all of it," I reply, the words like lead on my tongue. "He was learning to trust me and I messed it up."

"Purposefully?"

"No."

"Then I find it hard to believe that this matter was entirely your fault," she states kindly, her bright orange hair shimmering as she cocks her head to one side. "I know how you love your mate, Nikola, and I know how hard you have tried to correct your faults in order to be a better partner to him. Whatever has occurred, I'm sure you didn't do anything without his happiness at the forefront of your mind. So, while I'm not trying to absolve you of all personal fault, I do want to encourage you to release some of it."

I hum so she knows that I've heard her words, even if I disagreed with them. Though, I couldn't help but consider them for a moment.

Dr.Otu was hardly the type to take my side. In fact, she was sometimes unprofessionally candid with her opinions of me, but that was something I liked about her. She talked to me as a person fully capable of understanding reason, rather than a child needing to be handled with special gloves.