Axel

36

I S A B E L L A

On the silent days, i miss my parents a little louder.

I've been so distracted with everything i hadn't had time to sit down and fully process what has been going on. And now that i have, it all came rushing down at me so suddenly i'm in a state of disbelief in how my life could get to this point. And it only makes me think of my parents and how i wish they where here, to comfort me and reassure me that everything will be alright.

Axel had been the only thing on my mind these past few days. All i can think about is him and how if i don't help him now i could lose him.

The guilt that i have been feeling is slowly tearing me apart. How could i have been so blind? It was right infront of me yet i brushed it away each and every time. I could've prevented it, if i spoke up sooner he wouldn't be like this right now.

The worst part of it all is i don't even know how to go about helping him. I need to talk to him, but if he won't listen to Ronan what makes me think he will listen to me? He doesn't even want to admit he's an addict.

I sigh, i let the tear fall down my cheek and i submerge under the water in the small bath tub. I sink and i sink until it's too much for me, until the pressure of the water is too heavy and i need air.

Then i float in the bubbles until my skin is soft and wrinkly, before i'm out and drying myself with a towel.

I throw on a hoodie and sweatpants, dry my hair with a blow drier and sink into my mattress as i wrap myself up with my covers.

And yet i still cannot sleep. My mind won't stop spiralling. I feel useless. I should've talked to him when i had the chance.

I could see it on him how the drugs where slowly killing him, things i wouldn't have noticed before. Deep bags under his eyes, shaky hand, shallow cheekbones and pale skin.

But it was his birthday so how could i ruin that for him? Especially as it was on of the best nights i've had in a while.

I stare at the pictures of us in the photo booth, stuck up on my mirror so i could see it every morning, and every time i stepped foot into this room. Like a warm reminder that i'm lucky to have him in my life.

It reminds me of how good i felt that night. It reminds me of our kiss and the smile he wore after it. It reminds me how he would check me out secretly without thinking i'd realise. It reminds me of how much he means to me.

I could be anything in this world, but i wanted to be his.

A ping from my phone pulls me out of my thoughts, i ignore it but another ping comes. Then my phone is buzzing and buzzing until i pick it up and eventually look at the contact that read Lucy.

I answer the call, bring the phone up to my ear and open my mouth to ask her why she's calling so late.

"Isabella." She's first to speak, her voice trembles, and i can hear her heavy breaths as she tries to calm down.

"Lucy, what's wrong? Are you okay?" I ask, sitting up in my bed. I can hear a loud crash and someone curse in the background.

"What's going on?" I speak again, and wait impatiently for an answer.