- Hawaii lust - Jenna Ortega

044

"What..." Jenna breathes out, her voice fragile and terrified-just hoping she had heard Dahlia wrong. "What did you just say?"

They're looking at each other now, and Dahlia''s trying to figure out how she's reacting to all of this, but she can't. And she's scared too, because she planned on keeping this all a secret until the day she died if it meant she could just be there for Jenna, and help her, and show her that someone does care for her. And if that meant Dahlia had to silently love her through all of it, then so be it.

But she failed. Miserably.

"I love you, Jenna," she professes again, this time in a shaky whisper. Her voice is trembling, and she can feel the tears spilling down her cheeks, and she's trying to stay brave. Because even though she's crying and shaking through it, it's still the most courageous thing she's probably ever done in her life, because it's the most she's ever had at stake. "I...I think I have for a while now and I just didn't realize it."

They're both still and wordless, and Dahlia's heart is pounding, and she wishes she would just say something-even if it was in anger-because anything would make her feel better right now. She just can't take the silence, or the terrifying air of uncertainty and apprehension in the room.

"Say something," Dahlia pleads, standing still as she waits. She feels like there are hundred pound weights strapped to her ankles that are forcing her to stay in place, but she knows it's just the paralyzing fear that's surging through her. She can hardly even breathe. "Please, Jenna. Say anything."

"I don't know what to say," Jenna swallows, her voice low. She's in shock.

I'm sorry," Dahlia utters out, her chest heavy. "I shouldn't have said anything. I wasn't going to, I just...I couldn't help it. It was stupid."

Silence again. And this time feels worse somehow, because it's awkward and terrible and it's everything she was petrified would happen if she told her about her feelings.

"Are you okay?" Dahlia asks, stepping forward. Jenna flinches as she gets closer, and her heart breaks as she retreats back.

"I'm confused," Jenna stands up, taking in a long breath and pushing her hair back as she looks out the window. "I'm really confused."

"Look, I didn't...I didn't plan on getting feelings for you, okay?" Dahlia bites the inside of her cheek, trying to come up with something to say to make this all better. She isn't sure that's possible right now, though. "I actually went on that trip with you thinking I was going to get back and hate you more, you know? But I didn't. I fell in love with you, even though I tried not to."

"Shut up, Dahlia," Jenna breathes out, still turned around with her back facing her. But she's looking at the floor now, shaking her head. Then she turns around, and she's looking at Dahlia like she's about to freak out. She knows it's hard for her to hear that word-especially directed towards her. "Just...stop talking."

"I can't pretend anymore, Jenna," Dahlia presses, swallowing thickly. "I'm tired of pretending, and I'm tired of holding in my feelings, and I'm tired of acting like having sex with you didn't mean anything to me. Or that kissing you or faking to be with you didn't, either. Because it did-allof it did. And even before I knew I was in love with you, kissing you and even faking to be with you felt so right."

Jenna's looking at her, and she sees her take in a breath.

"And I know it's sudden, and I know I'm being selfish by telling you this, but it's gonna kill me to hold it in anymore," Dahlia gulps, trying to get out all the things heimagined she would tell her if this moment ever happened. "It's just that...this is the kind of love My mom and Dad used to have. The kind of love where they make you the happiest person alive just by seeing their face at the beginning and end of your day, and the kind of love that you thought was unrealistic until you actually experience it yourself, and the kind of love that makes everything-even the bad stuff-good. It's the kind of love I've always wanted-always dreamed about-but never really thought I'd get to experience because it's so rare. But I...I keep catching myself looking at you, and it's the way My mom and dad used to look at each other. And I can't help but think that I'm finally getting to feel it, too."