Poems of Pain and Solitude

Chapter 8: pushed over our own cliff

There's something about the way you talk,

The way you walk,

The way you laugh as if you're free.

But we're never free,

And I can see the ropes that hold you down so clearly.

You think your mask can melt down your true face,

But I'll always see you for you,

Your serene smiles won't hide away the dark devils

That live inside you,

And I can hear the pained screams that tear you so clearly.

Now I dream nightmares alone on lonely weekends,

While the moon sits in the sky,

Waiting sadly for the untimely dawn.

The streetlights blinking in a blurred confusion,

While I sit at the window, lost, lost, lost.

I ask myself where I am,

Because your absence is also marking my own,

Thoughts flooding my mind loudly, so alone;

While I try to find myself among

The turmoil of shadows storming along.

I grasp on to the ledge, but when I look around,

The only thing that I can hold onto

Is this sorrowful love full of sinful woe,

And while I don't want to, there's nothing else

That has been here all through.

When my worlds were dark and my skies fell,

When my anger collapsed on all the people I loved,

This love was the only thing I could still see.

This love was the only thing I could hold on to.

This love was the only grace I managed to save.

 You're the one who left stains of impurity,

Spilt like wine on my cloth,

Marked my skin with deep scars.

You told me the scars were tattoos I should love,

But really they were just reminders of pain burning me.

In my midnights blessed with quiet pain,

While I seek the wistful companionship of the moon,

The ample ache so familiar now fills me up;

Suddenly, now, the piano room isn't home anymore,

And it feels more like a cage with wrinkled walls.

For so long you've held your poisonous hand in mine,

Growing your glorious ivy in my paths,

Covering and blinding me with calamitous love.

But now that I wake up from this nightmare,

I look around, and I'm all alone.

Your incendiary touch is leaving trails of fire

All over me, making me think it is love

Making me think that this ephemeral cure

Was going to be the pride for my fulfilment.

You left me in oblivion but now I know.

Your blind solicitude,

Trying so hard and faithfully to grace my felicity

While my soul draws curtains closed,

And out of your mouth stumble keen lies

That you disguise as eloquence and altruism.

I don't know what to think, love,

Was it my fault, should I have painted a fake smile

Or let honest tears and words leak out?

Our story was yours to start

And mine to finish.

One wrong word, and everything goes stumbling down

And even forgiveness sometimes won't fix it,

The dishevelled look on my face,

I sent you roses, but you never gave anything back.

A thousand words that'll never be said will linger in the air.

When I go back home and it's pouring rain,

I scream lawless ripples of pain,

And even elegies in my poetry won't be enough

To hide away the crestfallen look on face

While a cacophony of regret storms in our temples.

The shape of your silhouette

Is the shadow of charisma, pristine.

But the gaze that rested on mine for that last night

Was wrinkled, dappled with embers

That tore me apart into ashes.

Now I wish I'd looked over the path we chose,

Because all roads lead to Rome

And you'll be my Colosseum,

Massive, admired, full of folkloric tales,

But left in ruins.

The walls we'd built between us,

Pretending they were made of glass,

Pretending they were just murals to be admired,

The mountains I thought we'd climbed together-

How could I have known we'd be pushed over our own cliff?

Now evermore the echoes of our screams

Resonate in the distant emptiness.

Waves of sounds rippling across the space

That was once filled with enchanting stares

And dreams full of hope.