an ouvre through the lens

016

This chapter contains a depiction of suicide or violence which readers might find disturbing. Reader discretion is advised. Kindly refrain from this part.
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floralia mori

Resting my back on the cold wall of the terrace where the silence of engines and the nonstop notifications of my phone filled the blank surroundings of my supposed home.

I looked at my bare hands trembling from the mark of red pigments around my wrist. As I let tranquil tears stream around my damp cheeks.

I thought I was going to end it today. For how the red exes written on the calendar remind me of ceasing my voyage.

I guess they're right. I'll remain as a weakling spirit.

All I understand is to enkindle the cold flames of life.

I slowly lift my head to get a view of the door where the nonstop doorbell came. My whole body feels exhausted.

"Guten Abend, hier ist Ihre Lieferung von Nalani Fae. Hallo? Ist da jemand?" I heard a loud voice outside the door.

I see, I had no choice but to claim the delivery for myself. I slowly stood up and I felt my body quiver.

When I reached the doorknob tightly I felt the stings around my wrist. I can't help but feel like a crushed paper. I slowly knelt in front of the door because I can't go outside and just let someone see me in this state.

"L-Lassen Sie die Lieferung einfach vor der Tür stehen! D-Danke schön!" I asked him to leave the delivery at the door weakly.

I heard a light carton was dropped off and the delivery man left. That was my sign to open my door lightly and reach for the box of cake.

I closed the door of my condominium quietly and looked at the cake letter that was written in German.

From: Nelani Fae (Mom)

My Floralia, I hope you'll enjoy your day. Dad loves you a lot that's why he left me the recipe for your favorite cake. I hope it tastes similar to your father's cooking. He'll always be with you on your brightest and gloomy days.

No one will wipe your crestfallen tears but you.

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