an ouvre through the lens

070

floralia mori

2:18  PM. I didn't mean to wake up tardily, I felt so weary yesterday that as soon as I got into my hotel room I just dropped my things on the floor and rested on my whole body on a cooled soft mattress, and closed my eyes and ground down in a blow of a dream.

I hurriedly fixed my appearance for today's schedule. I was getting quite annoyed by myself for making Sweven wait. I calmed my sanity to think and move composed indeed. When I got to the train route at the Himeji castle, the touch of the frostiness of the noon air welcomed me.

Sitting on the train unattended, admiring the establishments stacked up on the ground. Trees that wave synchronizes the whispered steps of the crowd.

The train stopped at the designation. I walked out of the train to enter the beautiful structure. And suddenly I did not foresee this trap.

I felt the world abruptly turn upside down.

My heart pumped so hard, I couldn't make my feet take an effort to move. I stood in surprise to exist in a deep dark ocean where I couldn't lift myself from drowning, not allowing me to find any flat surface to step in until I would continuously drown. I get even more lightheaded when I heard the people going off the train asking me if there was something wrong. I couldn't even let out a response because how my lips quivered and my tongue felt numb.

Unaware that I'm already heel-seating a meter near in front of the train door, holding a stranger's wrist as if it could ease the hyperventilation in me. I feel dissociated from my surroundings, shaking, gathering air, and on the verge of crying but I couldn't escape a sob. This attack bottled it. This feels like I'm inside a fish bowl seeing motion blurs and someone is strangling my form.

I thought I was already alright. Why is this attack happening again?

I shut my eyes in anguish, proceeding to take deep slow breaths. Closed my mouth with my right hand as I shake the other one to release the stinging stress.

I can hear a lady calling for help and the others are asking politely to give me space to avoid stifling.

I remembered that Sven must have been waiting so long. I arrived here at 3:49 PM and this terror happened.

Please, Floralia. Let's calm down, I beg. He's waiting. I don't want him to wait.

I recall the things we planned for this holiday. I told him that we'll celebrate Christmas Eve together. Try the lovely things.

I can't make my unconditional peace waitin'.

They lifted me and made me sit on a bench to get my calmness back on track mentally and physically. I noticed how my body felt so tired and my body lightly trembled unlike earlier. Slowly opened my eyes and lifted my head to see the opening of the tourist spot Castle.

It is a man wearing eyeglasses and looking at his phone gloomily. He looked around and stopped when his sight spotted my presence. His stare looks like I stand a familiarity in him.

I can't help but let a tear stream down my cheeks when the glee struck the grey scenery with a bright pigment of field.

"Sven…"

Now I'm here to hold dear the everlasting comfort he carries. And I'll return the joy to him.

I was wrong that he's simply one of them.

Sweven is mainly my unconditional peace, gentle harmony of living, and crowded warmth I would willingly be with.

— ꕥ —