an ouvre through the lens

090

Sweven Yuan

I kept my grip tightly on a love that only I can give any means to how love feels, hurts, and goes on.

If I hold onto it dearly, why does it keep slipping away through my fingertips?

I'm wandering around the streets holding a cake she mentioned the last time I heard her laugh, sweetened smiles, and gleaming eyes. She wanted to try this for the next Christmas. 3 Holidays came, but she still needed to have a taste of the cake I continuously bought for her to try. And here I am again, bearing the agony in an anonymous seat.

As I walked in front of the condominium door I am stunned that the door is slightly open1ed and the balcony light is on. I instantly took out my phone from my pocket to ask her friends if they went inside. But that's quite unusual since they have their errands. 

Silently, I went inside and dropped the cake on the coffee table. In the corners of the walls, I took a peek at the balcony. Unearthly air blows into my back as I walk nearer to the balcony. 

A shadow from nowhere that keeps following me behind my back is now in front of my eyes. 

“S-Sweven…,” As soon as I heard the voice that I yearn to remember each day. I instantly felt my chained heart breaks the rusted chains that throttle my unheard love. 

“No…don’t hurt me like this, please,” I croaked because of how abiding pain came out into my voice. What if this is a dream? Am I truly going insane because of her?

Floralia Mori

“S-Sweven, I’m so sorry…” A pleading whisper that only the two of us can hear. Seeing him standing stiff with his hands quivering trying to comprehend what he’s seeing. I slowly went closer to him and it gave me heartache when I saw how he stepped back, a sign that maybe he didn’t want me to get near him.

His arm moved to try to reach me but he kept stepping back. As if a person tries to familiarise a stray cat to be closer. Knowing that I might horrify him once again if I tried to invade his space.

All I could do was stare at his misty eyes. He visibly looked pained not trying to close the curtains of pretentious emotions. Instead of being drowned in sorrow, torment levitates an innocent sufferer. I love him so much but when loving him means hurting him also, how can love flourish on a wanton lawn?

"I'm so sorry," I said in a dismal tone that can be heard as a whisper for him. Sweven shook his head when I mentioned that pitied phrase. 

Taken away from reality when I stepped inside this chamber where all I know is slumming up a corroded tale. Funny how I wanted to rip off a length of rope bouncing back in this area back then. 

Now, I'm here once again. Turning on the switch to look for someone who I've been cruel for the things he didn't do. 

I was so occupied with repentance that I didn't even notice that someone was already kneeling in front of me. The mystic dreamer I promised to dream with infinite passion, Sweven Yuan, resting its face on my stomach and hugging my back taking a grip of me like I would fade away in one blow of the wind.

"W-What took… So long to have a sight of you again?" Every word he dropped made him take a deep breath because of how he shed tears that were falling unto my shirt. 

"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong when we parted ways? You know we can always communicate and you're free to confront me!" He asked looking up at me–still kneeling a complete view of how red rushed onto his nose because of his sobs and his flooding eyes with bittersweet tears.

"I can get away but only for a while and that does not mean I can let you go! Please don't ask me to let you go, F-Floralia," Sweven pleadingly asked–no it's more like a wish he blew from the field of dandelions. 

After he burst all his sorrows I can't help but crack up my imprisoned nature because of the ache. Seeing him pleading for the things he truly deserves and how his gleeful eyes made me smile and kept me going on. Turn into something I can't dig the twinkling joy behind. 

"When I walked out where you are without any memo. You remain in me. A garden that I kept sprinkling with starry drips of water when it is presented in the sunlight. Sven, I did not let you go, aren't you the one who's supposed to let me go?" I can't help but let out a chuckle in the middle of my silent cries because of how he instantly shook his head and sobbed even more. 

"Sweven Yuan, you never fade away into my life. You're that oeuvre that everlasting adoration exists. A collection of blossoms of how it is handcrafted when it flourish and how it quickly dies off but comes back in a different form only. Standing brightly as it sways around the lovely atmosphere."