"Ancient Runes" a Severus Snape ff - Snape x OC

Chapter 29

Severus had been hanging around the boathouse for an hour already. He had wanted to make sure no one was there to disturb them. Now, shortly before 4 p.m., he was worried whether Lysanna would come here at all. She hadn't seemed particularly enthusiastic when he had told her that he would like to talk to her again. Tensely, he let his eyes wander over the dark waters of the lake that lay still before him. He was afraid of what was about to happen. Not only was he afraid of being rejected further by Lysanna, but also that she might actually understand his situation. What then? If she really could forgive him. She would still go..

"Severus?" Her almost whispering voice pulled him from his thoughts. She had actually come. As he turned and looked away from the lake, he saw Lysanna coming down the last few steps. He stood there, rooted to the spot, just watching her as she slowly walked towards him with a serious expression on her face.

"You are here." Severus stated in surprise. He actually hadn't wanted to say that thought out loud.

She nodded curtly and had stopped about two metres in front of him. The charming blue eyes seemed to want to pierce him. She had crossed her arms dismissively in front of her body.

"Lysanna, it..", the words didn't want to leave his mouth. What he had to tell her now was exactly what he had been trying to forget for years. Lily's death. Or rather her cold-blooded murder by Voldemort.

"What do you want to tell me, Severus?" Lysanna demanded.

"I want to explain what happened. Explain why everything is now the way it is." Severus replied, taking an uncertain step towards Lysanna. He needed her. He needed the closeness and love that she could give him. It was a desire he could no longer contain, consuming him from the inside now that he saw her.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed and took a step back in fear. It felt like his heart was about to shatter into a thousand little pieces in his chest. Lysanna was afraid of him. There was no trace of affection or understanding left in her eyes, just coldness and fear. He had to turn away; Severus couldn't bear to look at her any longer. He felt weak, pathetic, what was he if he couldn't even bring himself to look at her. To look into the eyes of the woman he had feelings for. She was afraid of him, but he didn't want to scare her. That was the last thing he had ever wanted. The almost stabbing pain inevitably spread through his body. He had to pull himself together now, this moment was probably his only chance at all to convince Lysanna that he wasn't who she thought he was. Control and Discipline! He had to push the emotions away. Block out the pain. Just for a moment. It was hard but he had to be strong and fight. A deep breath later, he had regained control.

Lysanna trembled as he watched Severus abruptly turn away from her. She hadn't wanted to react that way, but she was afraid. Now that she was alone with him, Severus seemed rather threatening to her. When he then approached her, the emotions had simply taken over. Instinctively, she had backed away from him and had snapped at him. She hadn't wanted to say that. It had obviously hurt him, and Lysanna had not wanted that. She was here to listen to what he had to say. She wanted to give him this chance to explain himself. The anger and fear she had still felt just a few seconds ago had suddenly vanished. Only now did Lysanna realise how dejected Severus looked. With slumped shoulders and bowed head, he stared at the dark waters of the lake. It broke her heart to see him suffer like that. She knew him well enough to know how hard it was for him to give her those explanations. There had to be an explanation, any explanation. Lysanna hoped what he was trying to tell her would convince her. She wanted to forgive him, just wanted to give him the affection she felt despite everything. The love.

"Severus, I'm sorry. I want to listen to you." Lysanna said quietly, her voice, sounding shaky and uncertain, was no more than a whisper. So she indeed wanted to listen to him. Though her reaction to his advance still bothered him, Severus slowly turned back to Lysanna. He was in control, the emotions weren't going to make Lysanna have to fear him again. He didn't want to let her have to be afraid of him. The anger in her eyes had given way to an almost worried expression. It cost him a lot of effort to look at her, to look into her eyes. She looked so fragile at that moment, so scared and vulnerable. But despite everything, she was beautiful.