𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘

[𝟐𝟗] 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬

Author's Note - [Tw - Abuse, mention of abuse, implied drug use and implied self harm.

I've changed my writing style so this chapter is written different to the others.

The playlist is posted to my board.

Merry early Christmas and please don't hate me because I'm suffering just as much as you guys]

Turning the key in the door, Jean used his shoulder to push the door open. He kicks it open wider using his foot allowing him to pull in his suitcase and once he's inside he lets the door fall behind him, not bothering to even put the locks on.

Dropping his grip on his suitcase, he leaves it standing in the middle of the hallway knowing that he'd deal with it another time. Making his way to the bedroom he places the palm of his hand against the grey door and pushes it open with his remaining strength.

The light flickers on illuminating his room and he spots the pillow that you brought with you when you were recovering. Leaning over the bed, he grabs the pillow and throws it to the corner of the room knowing that if he stares at anything that belongs to you he'll break.

His tired eyes wander the room, searching for something that he knows he shouldn't be. After moments of searching his eyes land on a black box sitting on the top of his wardrobe and the box is just within his reach. Feeling that gut-wrenching feeling he pauses for a moment, stopping to think whether it's worth it or if he needs to wait for this feeling to pass.

But Jean knows that nothing will make this feeling pass.

Nothing can repair or fix the feeling of losing you.

Jean knows that there is nothing he can do. He knows his depression is eating away at him and it won't stop until every ounce of his motivation to live is gone but you helped to stop that. You were the reason that Jean got out of his depressive episodes and you continued to keep him on a healthy path without even realising it.

And now you were the reason why he was falling back down that slope, that slippery slope was impossible to climb out of.

Holding the box in his hand, he brushes off the dust that has fallen onto it and slips his fingers under the lip to remove it. His heavy eyes scan the multiple bags resting in the box and his gut starts to sink, making him feel nauseous as he remembers what happened last time.

Suddenly, a sequence of repeated knocking appears at Jean's door. The sudden action makes him drop the box from his hand making the bags scatter across the floor "Jean! Open the door!" the voice shouts loud enough for Jean to hear.

"I know you're in there and I will start kicking this door down if you don't answer it!" he warns and Jean knows he's serious. Kicking the scattered bags to one side he opens the door again letting it close behind him.

"Stop with the knocking! I'm coming" Jean says, his voice heavy and tired. Reaching the door he opens it with one hand and Connie is quick to push it open with his hand but Jean places his foot in front of the male stopping him from stepping inside "Connie go home" he says.

Confusion lights Connie's face, looking up at Jean he scoffs and fights his way to get inside but Jean uses his body to stop him. Connie grabs both of Jean's arms attempting to push him inside "let go of me!" Jean calls out but that doesn't stop Connie.

"Let me in Jean!" Connie grits, he's using all of his force to push Jean inside but Jean is fighting him off. Connie kicks Jean's foot that is holding the door and pushes him one more time, stumbling back Connie falls towards Jean and the door falls behind him.

"What the fuck are you even doing here? I told you to leave me alone" Jean says, snatching his arms back from Connie's grip.

"And look what happened last time" he says, his tone harsher than he intended and he knew that by the look on Jean's face.