Pretend Girlfriend

22. Voicemail

*insert depressing song here*

Ryan's Pov

I woke up, taking in my surroundings. And all I could think about was the officer telling me that my dad died. His words just kept replaying and replaying in my head. I just wanted to get swallowed up by the floor. I just wanted to cry, but I couldn't cry anymore. I cried so much that at the moment, that I am incapable of crying.

I stood up, grabbing my phone. I saw I had several missed calls from everyone - my mom, Destiny, Belle, Emma, Xavier, Felix, Henry, Neal, and some other family members. I checked the time - 4:13am - and shoved my phone back into my pocket.

I slipped my shoes on and started walking towards the door. I knew I should have woken Xavier up and told him I was leaving so he wouldn't worry when I woke up, but in all honesty I didn't care. I just felt like all my feelings were being sucked out of me, leaving me cold and heartless.

I left the building and walked through the cold air of Chicago. I hugged myself, beginning to walk faster. Eventually, I saw the stupid dead grass and ran to my doorstep.

I used my keys to open the door. When I walked in, I saw my mom sleeping on the couch. She was wrapped up in a blanket, clutching onto her phone as if it were the most precious thing to her and it was going to be taken away. I sighed and made my way upstairs.

I changed into some black sweats and a black long sleeve shirt. I lied down in bed, looking up at the ceiling. I felt sadness and anger rushing through my veins. I just kept thinking about different things that will never happen now.

I'll never see dad smile again, he won't see me graduate, he won't walk me down the aisle, if I have kids, he'll never be able to meet them, mom will never get to see him again, we'll be a family with a missing part that only he could fill, and so many other fucking things.

Soon, I felt the tears running down my cheeks. They wouldn't stop, they couldn't. I grabbed my phone and listened to the crapload of voicemails I had. There were ones from my mom and my friends which I deleted in a heartbeat after listening to them. And then, then I heard his voicemail.

"Hey, Ryan. I'm going to be running a bit late and I'm so sorry. I had got caught up with work. I'll see you in a couple minutes. God, I'm so proud of you. Give your mom a kiss for me and tell her I love her. I love you too, mija. I can't wait to see you up there."

I closed my eyes, listening to the voicemail over and over and over. Those could of possibly been his last words. The tears continued, rolling down my cheeks. I was crying so hard my stomach hurt and I was gasping for air. It felt like I was suffocating.

I curled up in my bed, crying. And eventually, I fell asleep.

~

"Ryan, honey."

I slowly sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"Yeah, mom?"

"Are you okay?" My mom asked me, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Dad just died," I said, not being able to comprehend it. "No, I'm not fucking okay...and I'm sorry for being harsh about it; you're mourning, too."

My mom stood up and sat down in front of me. "Come here, baby." She said, holding her arms out.

I hugged her, feeling tears threatening to fall. I hugged her so tight, scared I was going to lose her too.

My mom rubbed my back, starting to cry a bit. "We'll-we'll get through this, honey," she whispered. "It's going to take time, but it'll be okay."

I nodded my head, pulling away from the hug. "Do you...do you want to do anything?"