Love hurts - Drarry

8. Hate myself

Potions were a fickle thing. Especially when they go wrong unknowingly.

Snape suspected a theory as to what was happening, but to confirm his theories, the boys had to wake up and speak the truth.

But Snape know one thing for a fact, this potion was dangerous, and that a poton like this had never existed in the history of potions.
The boys had taken a potion that they'd created unknowingly, and when Snape came to that conclusion, he only then realised how dangerous of was for them.

Half the night and a whole day passed, neither woke.
Their conditions were worsening, Snape realised they were lying too far apart.

Snape then had a talk with Dumbledore who convinced poppy to shift their two beds into one.

It only took a few hours, but they could see the slight change in their conditions.

They noticed that their bodies seemed more healthy and that made poppy more happy than she cared to admit.

Sometime around midnight

"Fuck..." Draco muttered as he started shifting in his spot, his head had pins and needles poking at him.

It hurt.

What happened? Draco looked around.

White seedlings, medicinal stink, cotton sheets and ugly sleeping suit.
He was in the hospita-

"Ahhhh!" He screetched and he sat up holding his head which hurt too much.

He then saw flashes.
Harry, puking, sex, blood, tears, more bood, Harry unconcious, madam Pomphrey, admitting rape, feeling of death, Snape and-

"no. No. NO. NO." He whispered as all the mortifying memories came in his head.

I fucking Raped the boy I loved.

Tears started flooding in his eyes.
He knew what he'd confessed... The worst part was that it was true.
He loved Harry.
He fucking loved him.
He'd always loved Harry.

But Atlas? I hadn't thought about him since the day i saw Harry that day in the griffendore locker room. He thought , Then why- the fucking potion

It had to be.
It fucking had to be.

I had it all fucking wrong. Draco thought when realisation struck him.

The emotion that strengthened wasn't my horny-ness to fuck Harry because he looked like Atlas, the thing that weekend was the love and goodness that i felt since the day i saw Harry, ofcourse i was too stubborn to admit it then, but i did admit it, not with Snape, but with myself the day Harry sodding Potter had left me speechless.

And the thing that strengthened was the darkness inside me that id always wanted to keep at bay.
The darkness that clouded me after what Atlas did.

I have to tell him.

I have to explain myself.

I have to apologise.

Draco looked at the ceiling as he rested his hands on his sides, leaning back as he let his head go limp, trying to collect his thoughts, but what he felt instead of calmness was nervousness, because.
The second he had put his hand down, it fell on a hand.
The hand that was stuck to Harry Potter.

The boy he loved , the boy he hated, the boy he raped, the boy he knew he'd lost forever.

His heart shattered everytime he remembered what he did.

He didn't move his hand, instead he crossed his legs and turned to Harry, he used his other had to hold his hand properly, caging it.

" Im sorry." He whispered and went silent or so Harry thought.

Harry'd been awake for almost an hour now, and he slowly opened his eyes, wondering why Draco went silent, Harry had hoped for a speech, did Draco really think a "I'm sorry" would make up for the crap he did?
Harry was angry.

How could he feel so little about it.

But his anger vanished the second He opened his eyes.

Because Draco didn't go silent.
Draco was crying.
He was crying so hard that he didn't make a sound.

Draco had Harry's hand to his forehead so he wasn't able to see that Harry was awake.

Draco was breathing like a scared, wounded animal, all alone in the wilderness... Left to die.

" Draco ..." Harry gasped which made Draco shoot his head up, to see Harry awake.

Harry couldn't believe what he saw.

Dracos face.

It was so fucking red like Draco had been suffocated for hours, His eyes bloodshot,
His hands trembled, even more now that he knew i was awake.

" I..." Draco gasped.

What the hell should he say?

Hear me out?

He will hate me forever.

He won't ever agree to fucking hear me out

I fucking Rape- "I'll hear you out. Start with what got stronger and what got weaker." Harry spoke in a small voice enough to indicate his hurt as he got up, he continued in the same voice, a voice that was loud enough for Draco to hear too, " Give me a detailed explanation with no apology in between whatsoever. And if i find it plausible, I'll take your sorry into consideration and we will end whatever happened and talk about where this will go, we'll talk about the future." As Harry spoke a flash of relief ran over Draco, "But..." Harry continued, which made Draco go pail again.
" If even a percent of my being inside repels you and your fucking explanation. If i feel the same that i did when you did...the things you did.belive me when I say this Draco," Harry looked into Draco eyes and spoke as fiercely as he could , "I will never. And i mean never. Fucking forgive you. And if it does comes to that, i want you to never show me your face ever again. If i say no, it means I don't want anything to do with your past, preset and especially the future. "

" Okay. I promise to do exactly as you say after i speak my truth."

" I don't want a fabricated, silverlining turth. I want a nacked truth. No silver lining, no sappy words to sway me. Nothing. Just the simple nacked truth."

" Okay. I will speak nothing but the nacked truth. But before i tell you what happened, you need to know about the past too. You need to know about ..." Draco muttered, i can do this, he took a deep breath, " you need to know about Atlas."

Harry's body went numb when he realised the had heard the name before.
It's the same name Draco moaned as he fucked Harry.

No. He should stick to what he said.
He doesn't want to know about Atlas.
He doesn't care about Atlas.

" Okay..." I hate myself. I am hurting myself by doing this but i can't help it, "Start talking."

" Okay."

-x-