Love hurts - Drarry

10. Now that I'm not scared

"we should probably tell Snape and Madam Pomphrey that we are awake." Draco stated
"I know... But not yet. Though I am curious about why we are back to normal."

"Are we normal?" Draco asked
"I think so? I mean...i don't want to die crying anymore."

"Y-you felt like that..?"
"Yes... How did you feel? Towards the whole thing?" Harry asked.

"All I could focused on was... You... not in a good way though.
most of my thoughts were about how i missed Atlas... During sexual activities and how you were a good distraction or reminder from and of him. It was mostly sex."

"How was i similar to him?" Harry asked in a small voice.

"You..."
Im scared. Draco thought.
I'm terrified. Harry thought.

"You both had a similar mop for hair, same height, similar chest."
Harry said for the other shoe to drop, but it never came.
"That's it?"
"Pretty much Potter."
"Why? Was i like him during... Sex. You said-" moaned "- his name too."
"It was the potion talking... Atlas was more of a sub, you were fierce. You were tough, he wasn't. You both were very different, but at the time when I was under the influence, i thought you were so much like him. I think i even hated you at some parts. I didn't give a fuck about you when I got horny... I practically flew here when I was back to non horney me and noticed your were fucking unconcious and that you were... Bleeding."
"Bleeding? Where? Was it the puking? I realised I forgot to clean it." Harry asked, making Draco want to puke at the memory.
" No Harry... Not that... When I was fucking you... I didn't think . I didn't prep you or anything. And i-" Draco choaked on his words. " I fucking Raped you. I bled you unconcious. And i didnt give a fuck until I released and released you were like that... I-" Draco started tearing up again.

Suddenly he felt his head whip to the side as his cheek stung.
Harry slapped him .
Good.
He deserved even more .
" Shut the fuck up you lousy fuck! You didn't rape me! Is that what you have been thinking this whole time!? Draco! I didn't say stop! If i would've said stop andyou still would've continued, that would've been rape. This wasn't! Don't you fucking dare think like that!"

Draco muttered a sorry under his breath, realising he could no longer see Harry, the only thing he would see was a hazy person.
Tears.
A lot of them.
Rushing their way out.

" Im sorry" Draco spoke again as he tried to stop his tears.

"Do you have questions?" Draco asked after a minute if silence.
" Yes .."
" Ask away. I at least owe you that much."
A million questions ran through Harry's head, the thing he longed to know the answer to.

Why did you break eye contact when you were inside me? Why did you not kiss me when you were inside me? Was any of it real?
But instead he asked
" What did you do to me that you did with him?"

"As sorry as i am about it, almost everything. It was his kink, ass grabbing and him pushed against the wall. It was the only position we ever fucked in. He liked it when I would take him like that. Nothing we did together was us. It was all him. And i fucking hate that. After all i went through because of him, he still ruined something that should've been ours."

Im scared. Draco thought
Im terrified. Harry thought

" D- do you want to have something that is just ours? Nothing exclusive, just.. experiments? We fuck and figure the rest out?" Harry asked.
As much as he was terrified of a repeat telecast of what happened earlier, he could tell this was the real Draco, not the under the influence Draco.
"Y- you are giving us a future?" Draco asked breathless,.
" Yes. I am."

"Accio Diary." Draco spoke as his diary was in his hand.

This was it.
The last thing that makes me scared.
Harry's reaction.

Draco handed Harry his journal, which Harry took gracefully, but after a while of staring at the cover and fright on Draco's face, he gave it back.
As much as he wanted to know.
He didn't want to envade his privacy.
This was just cruel.

Maybe some other day when he was not emotionally tired and ready for the other shoe to drop.

He loved Draco.
But he couldn't tell him .

He loved Harry.
But he couldn't tell him.

He'd implied it. But Harry didn't get it.
He didn't get that Draco was in love with him.

" Maybe some other day. Im giving you time to fill this thing with beautiful things and moments, so that when I do read it, the good overcomes the bad."

" There is not much good in my life Potter." Draco stated.
" That's what I'm here for."

The scary part was over.
And now that I'm not scared, " do you want to continue the arrangement?"
After a minute of silence Harry answered, " yes. But don't let Snape or Madam P know we are cured. We'll have that talk with them later."
"Deal " Draco said as he leaned in closer and softly kissed Harry.
"I'm sorry." He breathed on Harry's mouth as they brushed at the slightest movements.
Harry had been healed by Pomphrey and they didn't want to stop.
So they didn't.

-x-