A Mystery's Knowledge

13- What hurts more, the abuse or the fact it could have been prevented?

Y'all know the drill with the thoughts.

Warnings: Drinking, drunkness, mentions of abuse, swearing

Emma's P.O.V

So, I'm a Laughlin.

Of course I am, cause nothing is ever right in my life.

I need a drink. Asap.

I wandered out of my room, walking to who knows where. It's not like there'll be drinks in the cellar anyways.

Where is Jameson? That bastard is always drinking.

I found him, already shirtless and drunk in the ballroom. He had a bottle in his hand, with more sitting on the floor. We didn't speak as I picked up a bottle of whiskey and down some.

He laughed.

"So, my little Laycie, what gives me the pleasure of drinking with you?"

I downed the rest of the bottle, "Life"

He laughed, although he stopped when I picked up another bottle.

"What happened?" He seemed to be sober, but that was the trick. Jameson Winchester Hawthorne was never sober.

"Family shit, as per usual." 

I was being completely serious, even though I wasn't completely sober. I finished the second bottle, reaching for a third.

"Geez, you never get this drunk. What the hell happened?" He paused his drinking, although he realized it was a touchy subject. He took another swig.

"Long story short, I'm a Laughlin." 

Jameson dropped the empty glass in his hands.

"That means...." He didn't want to say it.

I gulped down half the bottle in my hand. I looked him dead in the eyes.

"That means the abuse was unnecessary. That, I could've avoided it and lived a happy life."

He started to pick up the shards, but I waved him off. I downed my third bottle, cleaning up Jamesons mess.

"What hurt more?" Jameson paused, trying to be careful, "The abuse, or finding out that it could have been prevented?"

I shook my head. "Honestly, they're both equally painful." It was eerily quite in the ballroom.

"You should talk to Grayson, fix things with him."

I flinched, cutting myself on the glass. Thankfully, Jameson was turned away from me.

"Maybe." All that was heard was our quiet breathing. Jameson turned to me.

"I think I should leave you to think. I'm gonna call it a night, but don't be afraid to look for me."

That was the first time Jamie had actually stopped drinking. Willingly, without passing out.

I sighed, "If you see Gray, tell him to come find me."

Jameson nodded, exiting the room.

I put all the glass in an empty bottle, throwing it and the other empty ones into a nearby trash can. I grabbed the rest of the bottles for myself, making my way to the rooftop.

It's quite cold out here.

I sat on the rooftop, looking over the Hawthorne Estate. It was beautiful.

I started a fourth bottle.

I could've been happy.

I finished it off, picking up a fifth.

The abuse was pointless.

Downing that, I reached for a sixth.

Damn it!

I downed it, than smashed it against the rooftop. Shards flew everywhere, one slicing my cheek. I went for a seventh bottle, but a hand stopped me.

"How many drinks have you had?"

He looks so hot.

"Not enough." I said, looking toward the bottle beside me.

"You're drunk"

He is so kind.

"You should try it some time." 

He laughed, taking a seat next to me. On the side that didn't have glass, and in between me and my drinks. I continued my reach for it, but he stopped me. I stared at him.

"I'm sorry, for everything I've done. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was scared, you were shaking and whimpering. I didn't know what to do, and you wouldn't wake up. And I don't hate you, I love you. I love you, so, so, so much."

I retracted my hand from his grip, still staring at the drinks.

"I'll let you have one if you tell me how you're feeling." He offered, a smile peeking out from the corner of his lips.

"Well," my throat was raspy, "I'm gonna need the drink first, Gray." He reluctantly handed me the drink, and I downed half of it.

I stayed silent, and Gray stared at me.

"Well, go-"

I interrupted him.

P.S, Em is singing the slightly modified lyrics of the song above.

"Waking up in the morning's hard
I miss you even though it doesn't make sense"

I stared at Grayson.

"It's hurting in my chest to breathe
When all I see are stories of our love
So hard, but it was not enough

I'm going out to a party
And the only thing they're asking's how you are
Saying I'm okay, but really I'm crying
And my head is so fucked from what you did
I'm getting drunk"

I lifted up the bottle of alcohol for reference.

"Tell me, tell me
When did you love somebody else?
Did you care when you just
Tore my heart to shreds in someone's bed?

Why don't you take her and go to hell

I'm trying hard to hate you
But I can't stop loving who I thought you were
Was it ever real or were your lips just stained from her?
Don't call me honey, you're the best and worst of all
So tell me, tell me
When did you love somebody else?
Did you care when you just
Tore my heart to shreds in someone's bed?

Why don't you take her and go to hell
This is my loving last farewell
I hope you both go rot in hell

This is my loving last farewell
I hope you both go rot in hell

When did you love somebody else?
Did you care when you just
Tore my heart to shreds in someone's bed?
Tell me, tell me

When did you love somebody else?
Did you care when you just
Tore my heart to shreds in someone's bed?

Why don't you take her and go to hell"

I laughed, realizing I sounded like a fool.

"I don't love anyone else. Just you. Always you."

He smiled, hoping for a happier reaction.

"Even if I'm a Laughlin too? Cause I fucking am."

Grayson gaped at me, not able to respond.

"I knew it." I finished my bottle and stomped past him, down to a random pasageway.