Untimely Love (Book 3)

♠Chapter 19♠

I didn't bring up what I'd spoken with Angelica about the night before. It wasn't that I was scared to talk to my mom or wanted to bury it, it just wasn't the right time. Our lunch ended up being the best few hours I've had with her in a long time and I wouldn't taint it with the mention of the one person who caused me to make stupid decisions in the first place.

  The three of us spent the rest of the afternoon eating, talking, and laughing. We cleaned up after our meal and mom decided she wanted to make dessert because she'd bought all the ingredients for vanilla cake and chocolate cupcakes. She told us men what to do and we did it without complaint. Well... there was a lot of complaining from Renard since he wasn't much of a baker and almost always struggled to do something. He even dropped a batch of cupcake batter (almost spilling all of it) that he had to clean up. Nevertheless, it was fun.

  By the end of our session, it was almost eight at night. The rain had started and the sky had fully blackened when we settled on the couch with our sweets to watch a movie.

  We were halfway through the movie, my head resting on my mom's shoulder, when Renard left to use the restroom, then had to take a call on his way back. I forgot what oldies romcom we were watching because I was hardly paying attention. I'd already dozed off twice and was on the third when I felt my mom's hand, which had been resting on my upper arm, shift upward until her fingers were in my hair.

  "This is the longest I've seen you grow it out. Do you like it like this?"

  I hummed and tried to shake my head against her shoulder. "I'm just too lazy to go to the barbershop."

  She responded by continuing to run her hand through and over my hair. I sighed, relaxing against her side but forcing myself to stay awake although my eyes were closed. I inhaled deeply. Vanilla and lemongrass. I didn't know if those two scents went together but they worked with her.

  "I'm sorry, Mom." The words left me without thought.

  I should've apologized to her weeks ago. The thought had never left my mind though, and was one of the things that plagued me ever since I came back to New York. I always wanted to say it—whenever I thought about her, thought about how I left that night, not speaking to her enough on the phone. It was crazy to think that just her presence was enough for me to finally meet her halfway to make things right.

  Still, there hadn't been a good time for that before today. For me mentally, at least. That and it took a while for me to even address that night without wanting to crawl into myself and hide forever. I had to convince myself, all of this had to happen for us to get here, and for me to focus on myself and what I wanted.

  Being with my mom now was a reminder of how much I'd missed her, and I'll never let anything or anyone get between us again. It wasn't worth it.

  She pressed a kiss to my head and spoke against my hair when she said, "I'm more sorry than I can say, Christian." She pressed her cheek to my head, her hand moving to squeeze my bicep then rubbed soothingly.

  In that one sentence alone, I heard multiple things under her tone and looming in the silence. Regret and shame almost. Her wishing she'd been there for me regardless of what the situation was. While I wished I'd had the strength the let it all go—just so it could be less painful for everyone.

  I slept through most of the movie and my mom had to nudge me awake at around ten p.m. when she and Renard were ready to head out. I walked them to the door, helped my mom into her coat and she turned to hug me tightly. She rocked us subtly, making me smile. I met Renard's eyes over her shoulder and he nodded, looking almost relieved for some reason. I held my hand out to him when she let me go and we shook hands firmly but briefly.