Untimely Love (Book 3)

♠Chapter 28♠

I had to leave the room before I did something stupid, like hug her. We weren't doing that anymore. But more than that, I felt awful.

It got to the point where I began second-guessing all the decisions I'd made to protect myself. I battled with whether cutting her off was the right thing to do, and I needed time to think; something I couldn't do around her.

However, going back downstairs was out of the question. When I'd opened the door to the room I was surprised to see that none of my friends had, indeed, followed me up. Sure, I'd basically barked at them not to but they usually never let that stop them. I'm glad they didn't though, this wasn't something I needed them overhearing. This was... too much.

I'd been sitting on the floor in the hallway for about ten minutes, staring at the closed door, when the lights went out. The event hardly phased me, it was the silence after that set me on edge. The darkness amplified everything I was thinking and feeling until I had to close my eyes and began thumping the back of my head against the wall—hoping that would give me some clarity.

My thoughts kept running away from me; ranging from what our relationship would have turned out to be if she'd told me when she found out, to what we would look like as a family... had she not lost the baby. I felt terrible thinking it and I understood what she meant by the things she said. I guessed she had her fair share of fantasizing about having the luxury—the option of the latter.

So many possibilities; how would I have reacted? Would we have ended up together?

I tried not to ponder the second too much because that was dangerous territory. But my mind hated me since the picture was clear as day in my head. We would've been terrified but eventually, my mind kept showing how happy we could've been. Where would we even live? And with college and school in the way it would've all been so complicated-

Groaning, I slammed my head against the wall again. I should be happy. But I wasn't. I couldn't be; all of it was a tragedy.

"Stupid," I muttered. "Stupid, stupid, stupid-" my head met the wall again.

It was too late to be thinking about all of that—much too late. It was all over and there was no hope for anything. The worst part was I knew now that the heavy, aching feeling in my chest wasn't only for the baby, but the possibilities. And that's a whole other reason to give myself a concussion against this wall.

What the hell is wrong with me?

"Can you please stop doing that?" Ariana said from across from me. "You're gonna hurt yourself," she added softly.

"That's the point." The words came out sharper than I intended.

I hadn't heard the door open much less her moving on the other side. I was that deep in thought. Without opening my eyes, I leaned forward and pressed my palms against my face. It was dark enough that I probably wouldn't be able to make out much of her beyond a silhouette, but I didn't even want to see that.

I needed a minute to myself and she wasn't helping.

A few minutes of silence passed before she decided to speak again. I didn't try to listen. I didn't have the mental capacity for it.

Holding my hands out, I shook my head. "Ariana, please," I cut her off as I stood. "I'm- I really don't want to talk right now. I need a minute."

Her low, broken, "Okay," rooted me to my spot.

I'd been planning to go back downstairs and find a corner to sit in and stir in my misery, but hearing her sound so hollow reminded me of what my mom said.