Untimely Love (Book 3)

♠Prelude♠

♠CHRIS♠

Thion and I hauled the last of my luggage toward my mother's SUV and stuffed them into the backseat.

  I'd packed enough clothes to last me at least a month and a half so I was happy I had my own washer and drier where I was headed.

  The thought brought a bitter-sweet smile to my lips. Not that this would be the first time I'm doing my own laundry—I'd taken that job from my mom junior year—it was a reminder that I would be on my own the second I hopped in the car and pulled off.

  Tonight, I'd be sleeping in my own apartment. By myself. I'll be living on my own. Right now, the thought wasn't as scary as it had been weeks ago because I needed it. I needed the space—the peace and quiet—to get my head on straight and reevaluate most of the choices I've made these past few months.

  "That's it," Thion said, patting the side of the car after closing the door to the backseat.

  I let out a puff of air, feeling my cheeks blow up, then I smiled at him. As genuine as I wanted it to be, something in me wouldn't let it. I felt like all the energy was drained from me and it would take a lot more than sleep and food to replenish myself.

  Thion didn't smile back. He stared at me—his expression neutral but his eyes saying an entirely different story. He was worried about me.

  I turned toward my friends who stood in a line next to each other. They crowded the car, all their expressions smiling sadly.

  They were all worried about me.

  After the fiasco at my dad's cabin—a two-week trip we took every year at the beginning of summer—they've all been worried about me. Multiple questions were asked, but all of them coming back down to the same thing; the same person.

  My mouth started moving before I could think too much into the events of the past eighteen days. "Do I get one last group hug?"

   I grinned but I felt bile in my throat, like acid, forcing itself up. Our recent groups hugs had never started with me. The person they did start with wasn't here.

  My body sagged when multiple arms wrapped around me and I closed my eyes, savoring the moment.

  It felt wrong somehow—hugging my own friends—and it was absurd. It's because she wasn't here. She should be here. This didn't feel right without her.

  When we pulled away, there was a pat on my back, but my eyes were on the ground.

  Maybe I should've called her back.

  These past few days- I should've picked up one of her calls, read at least one of her messages. But how could I, knowing that there's a possibility she was going to talk me back into her safe zone. Her friendzone.

  Fact was, I was tired. Tired of the back and forth. Tired of pretending to be okay every time she pulled me in only to push me away.

  Right now, I needed the space she offered. I needed solitude, and I knew if I spoke to her again in any way, we'd be back to square one. I simply didn't have the strength for it anymore.

  Two hands clutched my upper arms and my lifted to my mother's light brown ones.

  Her expression was solemn. I hadn't told anyone what happened with me and Ari and I didn't plan to. Not anytime soon, anyway. But I was sure my friends probably clued her in on why I hadn't been myself and what happened. Not that she needed them to, she was at the graduation party and could easily put two and two together.

  While I hadn't expected this day to be the happiest time for everyone, especially me, I hadn't planned on it being this heavy with emotion. These were negative feelings clogging our usual happy bubble. Because of me. Because of my misery and the way I'd behaved on our trip. The same way I was when I came home.

  By now, my friends should be cracking jokes about me being too scared or out of place to walk around my own apartment at night or something. They should be making this happy.

  The worse part was, I didn't want them to. I was killing this moment for everyone, including myself, but it wasn't something I could control easily.

  I wasn't like my mother or Thion. I couldn't lock all my feelings and emotions away until it was convenient for me to let them out. They were always scattered on whatever surface in front of me for everyone to see. For anyone to use against me. And there was nothing I could do about it.

  "Stay safe," Mom said, her voice low and endearing.

  I forced a smile. "I won't get into too much trouble."

  Her answering smile was shaky until she gave up and her eyes watered. I was in absolutely no condition to even think about tears right now, and that's why I closed my eyes.

  "Mom," I groaned.

  "I know," she said, followed by a sniffle, "I know. Just," I felt her hand on my cheek, "take care of yourself for me, okay?"

  Vowing that I won't burst into tears, I opened my eyes and nodded at her. "I will, mom."

  Her voice was a whisper when she said, "Okay."

  I hugged my mom in a final goodbye, that was until I saw her again in a few weeks, and got some demands from my friends about texting and calling when I got home.

  Home.

  They stayed huddled together in the driveway as I drove away, staring after the car.

  It should've been a happy occasion like graduation had been. There should've only been tears and smiles of joy. But this was the worse time for me to be leaving home and they all knew it.

  It was how I'd be starting my new life, though.

  Somehow, I saw the bright side of that. It was dim, but it was there.