Watching the Future

The Chamber of Secrets: Part 7

[Gilderoy Lockhart paces before the class. Hermione and the girls hang on his every word, while Hazel and Ron eye the large, covered cage rattling mysteriously on his desk.]

"I still can't believe he's a professor," James rolls his eyes.
Girls on his arms, Lockhart looks like he's in heaven based on how his future is looking to be and now girls want to date him left and right.

Lockhart: Let me introduce you to your new
Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher. Me. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five times winner of Witch Weekly's MostCharming-Smile Award -- But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!

"That was stupid," Regulus says groaning at the joke he made.

[Lockhart awaits laughter. A few students smile weakly.]
Lockhart: I see you've all bought a complete set of my books. Well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about. Just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in

"We bought it because we had to," Neville says rolling his eyes.

[Lockhart begins to circulate papers. Hazel and Ron examine the questions. Ron whispers to Hazel.]
Ron: Look at these questions. They're all about him.
Hazel: 'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?'
Ron: 'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?'
Hazel: 'When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?'

"Now if it was me I wouldn't put up with such disrespect," Barty says sneering at Lockhart.
"Why I think it's only fair if those were in the reading," Lockhart says with a shrug.

Lockhart: You have thirty minutes. Start now!
[Quills begin to dart across pages]

"How does anyone like him?" Sirius asks disgusted.
"Ask Hermione," Hazel and Ron say together making the said girl blush.

[Lockhart rifles through the completed exams]
Lockhart: Tut, tut. Hardly any of you remembered my favorite color is lilac. But Miss Hermione Granger knew that my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair care potions. Good girl.

Almost everyone gags at this.
"You did not just call her that?!" Snape says completely shocked that he would say that to a student.
"That's disgusting," McGonagall says wide eyed.

[Hermione beams. Lockhart's expression suddenly darkens.]
Lockhart: Now... be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourself facing your own worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here

"Finally an actual lesson, lets see how you do," James says staring at the screen.

[With a showman's flair, Lockhart turns slowly to the cage.]
Lockhart: I must ask you not to scream. It might provoke them.
[A pale Neville draws back. Hazel and Ron lean forward. Lockhart lets the tension build, then whips off the cover. Inside the cage are several electric blue creatures. Eight inches tall, with pointed faces and wings, they rattle the bars and pull bizarre faces at the students.]

"You're actually teaching about cornish pixies," Sirius laughs out finding this amusing.
"Well they obviously haven't learned about it due to the professor their last year, and they have to learn about it eventually," Lockhart says with an eyeroll.
"I still can't imagine him as a professor," McGonagall says.

Seamus: Cornish pixies?
Lockhart: Freshly caught Cornish pixies.
[Unable to control himself, Seamus snorts with laughter.]

Most people also laugh out due to the fact that Lockhart deems so proud of that.

Lockhart: Laugh if you will, Mr. Finnegan, but pixies can be devilishly tricky little blighters. Let's see what you make of them now!
[Lockhart flings open the cage. Instantly, the pixies rocket about, spraying the students with ink bottles, breaking beakers and shredding books. Two seize Neville by the ears, lift him into the air, and begin to circle the ceiling.]

"Neville!!" Alice yells out worried.
"It's always me," Neville says jokingly upset about it.
"Well at least you're life is interesting," Hazel shrugs.
"Not as interesting as yours," Neville says back.
"YOU LET OUT THE PIXIES WITHOUT TEACHING THEM HOW TO HANDLE THEM," McGonagall yells worried for the students but her yelling made Lockhart shrink.

Lockhart: Come on now, round them up, round them up. They're only pixies. (brandishing his wand) Peskipiski Pesternomi!

"That's not even a real spell," Remus says shocked at how dumb Lockhart was being.

[The spell has absolutely no effect. A particularly obnoxious pixie makes a face, seizes Lockhart's wand and tosses it out the window. Lockhart joins the stampede to the door.]
Lockhart: I'll ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into their cage.

"With what spells," Regulus complains.
"I'm sure Hermione knows, she always knows," Sirius says worried for them.

[slamming the door, he's gone. Hazel, Ron and Hermione stand blinking. Ron swats a pixie gnawing his ear.]
Ron: What do we do now?
Hermione: (raising her wand) Immobilus!
[The pixies freeze in midair. Neville falls, plops onto Lockhart's desk, shaken but unhurt. He looks at Hermione.]
Neville: Why is it always me?

"I don't know Neville," Hermione says.
"That should be awarded house points Ms. Granger," McGonagall says
"Yeah well I didn't get any," Hermione says glaring over at Lockhart.

[Fresh from the pixies, Hermione, Ron, Hazel and Neville walk. Hair askew. Robes shredded.]
Ron: Can you believe him?
Hermione: I'm sure Professor Lockhart just wanted to give us some hands-on experience.

"Exactly my dear girl," Lockhart says and all her gets is a glare in return from Hermione making everyone wonder what happened from her second year to now to make her hate him.

Hazel: Hands on? Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing.
Hermione: Rubbish. Read his books. You'll see all the amazing things he's done.
Ron: He says he's done.

"Not Ron being smarter than Hermione," Hazel snickers making Hermione wack the back of her head.
"Wait Ron was smarter than Hermione? How?" Remus asked shocked.
"NO SPOILERS," Hermione yells out.