Chapter 41

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Friday 19th February, 1977

Regulus was sitting behind a tree outside when I came to look for him. I nearly didn't see him, the tree cloaking most of his figure, and I knew it would be safe to sit next to him without alerting people that Y/n Potter and Regulus Black were sitting next to each other.

So I moved over to him and silently sat down, feeling my heart hammering in my chest. Regulus looked up, surprised, but relief seemed to wash over all his senses when he saw me.

"Y/n," he said.

"Regulus," I replied.

We sat there staring at one another, silent even with all the things that needed to be said hanging over our heads.

"We should talk," I said," about... everything."

Regulus nodded his head. "Yeah, we should."

There was another moment of silence before I spoke up.

"Okay, I'll go first," I said. "I know you being engaged isn't your fault. I want you to know I don't blame you for it at all, if there was any doubt in you that I might have. It would be unfair of me to put you at fault for your mother's abusive actions. You're not even 17, of age yet, you shouldn't be getting married, and that's not your fault.

"Secondly, I wanted to thank you for giving me the space that I needed. I wasn't in the right headspace to talk about it with you, but I've processed what happened and I can think clearly now, and I came to the fact that I still want to be with you. You make me happy, and I enjoy spending time with you. I don't want that to end, so I want to come up with a solution on how to work through this, together."

Regulus was grinning by the end of my sentence. "You still want to be with me?"

"Of course."

After that, the talk was considerably less serious. We decided to continue dating in secret, and Regulus would inform Selena that they could have a fake relationship for show, but there would be no actual romantic relationship between them. I felt better now that I was with Regulus again, and I was more confident that we'd sort things out.

We also talked about Regulus's next quidditch game that was coming up in about a month.

"I know you don't like quidditch," Regulus started, "but if you want you can come to the game."

I smiled. "I'd love to watch you play."

Regulus mirrored my expression. "Really?"

"Really."

We continued talking for a while more until we both needed to go, and I went to the Gryffindor Common Room, finding the marauders just about to start a game of Exploding Snap.

"Deal me in," I called from the entrance of the Common Room.

The boys no doubt noticed my good mood, but they didn't comment on it. Instead they happily dealt me in and, in Sirius's case, talked my ear off about everything he'd held back while I was miserable.

I smiled. It had been a good day.

. . .

Saturday 20th February, 1977

Selena Rowle and Regulus Black. The hot new couple. It was released that they were engaged, and everyone was aflutter with the news. All eyes were on the Slytherin table where they sat together, eating lunch and talking.

Selena looked like a goddess, as usual, except the image was tainted by the fact she was sitting so close to Regulus she was almost sitting on him, and Regulus didn't even seem to mind. I knew he was acting, knew that he would rather be with me, but the jealousy was still there and I could do nothing about it.

"I can't believe he's engaged," Sirius muttered from where he sat at the Gryffindor table, glaring daggers at his raven-haired brother. Or maybe he was glaring at Selena. Or both.

The group of friends went silent. None of us were sure what exactly to say. Regulus had always been a hard topic for him, and this only escalated things.

"How do you feel about it?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"Not bloody good!" Sirius snapped. "What, you expect me to just be all sunshine and daisies when my little brother who isn't even of age yet is being forced into a marriage?"

"Padfoot," James said warningly. "We get you're upset, but don't take that out on us. We just want to know how you're feeling. No one said you have to be happy about it; no one expects you to. Don't take your anger out on us."

Sirius glared at James, but my brother stayed strong, giving him a pointed look. Eventually Sirius sighed, slumping into Remus who wrapped his arms around Sirius without a second thought, even after his outburst.

"I'm sorry Moony," Sirius said. "James is right, I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"It's already forgotten," Remus assured him, stroking a hand through his silky black hair. "You want to tell us how you feel now?"

Sirius let out a sigh, his eyes briefly flicking to his brother once more before back to us. "I'm angry at our mother, obviously. I hate that she's doing this, that she's controlling his whole life. I'm mostly angry at Regulus though."

That surprised me.

"Why?" I found myself asking.

"Because he's not fighting back. He never fights back. He knew this was going to happen sooner or later but look at him! He's not even acting upset about it. He's just gone and put his mask on, lest our parents find out he doesn't want to be married to a girl he doesn't even know properly before he's even graduated school. Merlin, I wish he would just stand up for himself for once. Then maybe he'd be able to escape that god forbidden place."

It's silent after his words. I myself was trying my hardest to not speak up for Regulus and defend him, because these are Sirius's emotions, and he is allowed to feel like that. Watching your brother suffer and being unable to do something about it because he won't is bound to be hard.

The conversation flowed more easily after that, the marauders doing what they do best. Helping each other. While they comforted Sirius, I found my eyes straying to Regulus and Selena again. She was looking at him with such admiration that I couldn't help but wonder if that's how I looked at him. It was obvious she was very happy they were engaged, though considerably less happy about the current stage in their relationship where there was no real relationship.

"You okay?" Lily asked me as she sat down, following my line of sight.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said. "We sorted it out. All that is just for show."

Lily grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. "That doesn't mean it won't hurt seeing them together."

She was right, because it did hurt.

A lot.

A/N:

surprise update!!!

how we feeling???

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