Forever yours

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

    Paige

    I wake up, with a dry mouth and cramps like you wouldn't believe, my head is also hurting. I feel like I've been hit by a truck.
  "Damn" I mutter to myself. I feel like I need to shower. So I head to the bathroom, use the toilet, turn the shower on. I pull my shirt and panties off and get underneath the spray. It's exactly what I needed. The warm water feels good. I sit on the shower bench for a minute. I feel kinda dizzy. Just then I feel a cold draft. I look up to see Ryan stepping in. "You okay, baby?"
    "Yeah" I nod
   "You look kinda pale. Maybe you should eat something" he says as he starts soaping up.
Once he's done, he starts soaping me up and washing my hair.
   "Where were you?" I ask
   "Just went for a run"
  He looks so sad. I wrap my arms around him and just hold tight. He holds me just as tight. We stand like that for I have no idea how long.
  "Wanna sit out on the patio in front of the fire, with me?" He asks sadly
  "Yeah.. can we have ice cream?" I say into his neck. He shuts the water off, and starts drying me off. "Yeah, babe.. anything you want"
  He seems distant, when all I want his to feel him close. Emotionally that's what I need, but I don't know how to say that. Once we're down on the patio. I curl up on the couch with a blanket, while he lights a fire. Then he brings us both a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream and we eat in silence.
Once I'm done, I sit the bowl down, turning to him. "You okay?" I ask him. He doesn't say anything for a minute. Then he turns to me "Honestly? No, I don't think I am." I crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck.
  "Me neither"
  "I think we're both aloud not be okay right now. Don't you think?" He says brushing the hair out of my face."
  "Yeah.. wanna watch bad boys?"
He laughs "yeah"
  "You get the movie going, while I grab my medicine?"
  "Yeah baby"
    
   Once we're settled in and watching the movie. Jess comes walking in.
   "Hey can I watch with you?"
  I lift the blankets so she can crawl in next to me. The three of us use to do this all the time, in college.
  She doesn't mention the elephant in the room and we don't say anything about it. We literally just cuddle up and watch the movie. Sometimes that's all you can do at a time like this. No need for words spoken.

****

  I wake up hot as hell. Ryan snuggled up to my back. Jess on the other side of me. I crawl out of bed, so I can use the bathroom and go out to the deck for some fresh air. I'm sweating, from all the body heat. The cool breeze and the sound of the waves is relaxing. After awhile, I head downstairs for some water and something to eat. My stomach is growling. I grab a bottle of water and search for something to make a sandwich with. I'm bent over in the fridge, when I hear a deep voice.
  "What are you doing?"
I jump "ahhh!" I grab my chest. "Jesus, Ryan! You scared the shit out of me!"
  "I'm sorry" he says wrapping his arms around me.
  "I'm hungry. I was going to make a sandwich"
  "You sit, I'll make sandwiches" he says kissing my forehead
  "Can you grab the kettle chips too?"
  "Sure.. ham okay? There's lettuce cheese and tomato"
  "Sounds good"
   Soon, Jess comes down.
  "What you guys doing?" She says yawning.
  "Making sandwiches, you want one?" Ryan asks
  "Sure, I haven't eaten all day. I was just thinking about food."
  He makes all sandwiches and we eat in silence. I hate it.
  "Can we all just talk about it? I can't stand the silence. I was pregnant and now I'm not. There's no need to sit on it" I say irritated
  "How do you feel about that?" Jess asks and Ryan lets out a sigh
  "I'm fine, really."
  "How about you, Ryan? You okay with it" Jess asks. He doesn't say anything. He just starts cleaning up.
  He sets a bottle and water in front of me.
  "You need to take these, Paige. I'm going up to bed" he kisses me on the cheek and heads upstairs.
   "He's not taking it well, I take it?" Jess says
   "No.. he's barely talked since we've been home."
    "He just needs time. He'll be okay."
    "Yeah.. I'm gonna head back to bed. I'll see tomorrow." I say hugging her.
 
  The next day Ryan's hid away in the office. Jess is at work, and I'm left to my thinking brain. I have my brain surgery in two days and I'm terrified, if I'm really being honest. I know they're going to shave my head, but I keep thinking. Why let them, this is something I kinda wanna do myself.
   I pull out Ryan's clippers and get my phone set up, to record it for my our video diaries. I turn the clippers on and take a deep breath. "Here goes" I run the first swipe down the middle of my head. Hmm... it doesn't feel as bad as I thought it would. I thought I'd cry or something but I don't. Surprisingly, I feel okay with it. So I keep going until I'm done and literally bald. Well I have some fuzz, because of the guard but I'll get that with a regular razor later. I just stare at myself. I look so weird. I start laughing. "Oh my god.. I look like a boy" I don't know why it's so funny. It just is. In the middle of my laughing fit, Ryan walks in.
   "What's so fu—" he pauses in the door way and just stares at me
  "What the fuck?"
  "It had to come off anyway, I wanted to do it myself"
  "Paige, it's patchy as fuck in the back" and he starts laughing
  "Let me fix it" he says as he picks up the clippers and goes over my whole head with no guard on and finishes it up. Once he's done he sets the clippers down and stares at me through the mirror. "Beautiful" he says as he kisses my bald head.
   "Do mine" he says
   "What?"
   "You heard me" he picks up the clippers and runs it down his head.
  "Ryan, no! I love your hair!"
  "I loved your hair, too. It'll grow back." He shoves the clippers in my hand " finish it for me." He says as he sits on the toilet. Once I'm done, he gets up and looks at himself in the mirror.
  "I think we're suppose to rub lotion on our heads"
  "What.. why?" I laugh. He shrugs "That's what Van does, after he's shaved his head. Seen him do it a million times." So we stand there rubbing lotion into our bald heads.