motive. [shadilver]

01.

SHADOW.

Sometimes, I don't even know how I get out of there without a rage of destruction behind me. It's not being the assistant to an asshole who doesn't do anything except sit around, flirt with his employees, and look up questionable things on his computer while I get all of his work thrown on my back like a mule is going to kill me, but I'm getting driven to the edge.

I shouldn't complain, I get paid more than anyone in that building besides my boss himself, however, I don't get paid enough to do a two-person job. God, I'm contradicting myself, aren't I? I tell myself it's fine, but then reason that it's not. Okay, let's put it in this perspective: is there anything I can do about it? Sure, I could quit. But it's not like I'll find a good-paying job quick enough to make sure I'm still financially stable.

I've always felt annoyed in my life, so I'll be fine. I have my days where I can relax, such as tonight. I chose to walk today, because the construction that's a part of my daily route to work is absolutely ridiculous, and I just don't have the patience for that. It's better for me anyway, I need the exercise. It also allowed me to be more aware and observe my surroundings, something I rarely did anymore.

Walking down the wet sidewalk with the lights of the shops to my side reflecting off the cement, it was quite cold tonight, so I didn't want to be out for too long. I have been working all day, and I don't get time to have lunch as everyone else does, so I go hungry for over nine hours. I know it's not healthy, however, it's not something I can control.

Most places, especially food places are closed at this time. It's late, I get it. Nonetheless, I really don't want fast food, but it seems like something that I might have to resort to. And just as I was thinking about it, a large convenience store approaching made me falter my steps. Its fluorescent lights probably lit up the whole plaza, seeing that it was one of the only things open right now.

I let out a short exhale before entering, mentally preparing myself for the buzzing of the lights and whatever irritating thing might be inside the store. I went straight to the ramen section, picking up the spiciest one I could find. They were more flavorful and went very well with a sealed package of rice cakes and a stick of cheese, which were nearby in the cold items section.

What was nice with convenience stores is that they allowed you to make food in the store, having an area for coffee and tea, as well as just a boiling water dispenser and a microwave. I ripped the top of the ramen container, grabbing the packets out of it before filling it with boiling water until I was pleased with the amount. After a minute, when the noodles were soft enough to move around, I put the seasoning packets into the water, now making a broth that coated the noodles nicely.

I sighed softly as I let the water soften up the noodles for the remaining two minutes, unpacking the rice cakes and cheese before placing them on top, poking the cakes down into the broth before sticking it into the microwave to melt the cheese and warm up the rice cakes.

This was a meal that I didn't necessarily have too often, but it always satisfied my tired day of working. I actually didn't know if it was just the noodles, or it was the fact that I could sit down at a table in the convenience store in complete silence, finally a time where I'm not bothered. I kept the packaging of everything that I was eating so that I could pay for it all later.

When I finally got to sit down in the seat that I always did when I ate here, I placed the bowl down, ripping the rest of the top of the container, flipping it upside down so the water from the steam wouldn't get everywhere. Sadly, they didn't carry any chopsticks, so I just used a fork to poke and stir the cheese into the noodles and rice cakes, a waft of dense steam rising quickly as I did so. I was going to wait for this to cool down for a moment.

As I did that, I checked my phone, not surprised to see messages on my phone. Not because I'm popular, or well-liked, but just because I know they are going to be requests, or messages from employees saying some sorry excuse to me on why they can't come into work tomorrow. I don't care if these people can't come in, they are the ones being irresponsible and immature, and that's not my problem. If they want less money because they choose to have fewer hours, all power to them.

However, it's funny that I get messages a few days later from the same person complaining about their paycheck being so small, or that they have been written up for inconsistency. It's almost like I'll play their stupid little game, but they have to play mine at the same time. I'm basically the stupid boss anyway, might as well act like one.

I opened the chat with my boss, groaning quietly when I read and processed their message. Great, they want me to work tomorrow. It was going to be my only day off, and I couldn't even get that? It's only until six, thank you. It wasn't even a question or anything. It was an order. I'm not sure what would happen if I say no, however, I just don't have the energy to fight with him. It is just until six, which is way shorter than a normal day for me. Hey, more money, am I right?

I looked up at my phone, my large sigh blowing off the calming steam from my food. I was pretty hungry right now, burning my mouth won't be the end of the world. The cheese wasn't going to be as flexible if I continue to wait, so I just started to eat it. It was nice to have this again, I don't know if you would call it comfort food or not, but I wasn't shying away from that term.

These few minutes, while I eat, were going to be the only ones I get of silence and peace until I have to walk into the cold again, back home to wake up just a few hours later and work mindlessly because I can't have anything for myself apparently.