𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞 || 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Chapter 44

Friday 19th March, 1977

I found Regulus in our spot, waiting for me. He turned around at the sound of the door closing, relief washing across his face when he noticed me.

"Y/n," he breathed. "I wasn't sure you'd come." I didn't say anything, but Regulus didn't seem to mind, already launching into his explanation of last night. "I know you found us kissing, but I wasn't kissing her, she was kissing me. She'd been trying to convince me to have a romantic relationship with her and had thought that kissing me would be a good persuading tactic. It wasn't, obviously, and I told her that, as well as to never kiss me ever again without my consent, and... Y/n, why are you crying?"

"It's over," I said, voice shaking.

I didn't want to do this, but I knew I had to. Being with Regulus was a wonderful experience. It was magic. It was light. It was pure bliss, but the complications that had followed were too much. I was constantly doubting everything about myself, constantly worrying that Regulus would choose Selena over me, constantly hurting that he was with someone else. I couldn't continue living like that, and I knew that meant I would have to let Regulus go. The fact made me want to hurl my guts out.

"W-what?" Regulus asked desperately, eyes wild. He didn't want to believe it, that was obvious, and I felt a stab of guilt for making him hurt this much. I never wanted to hurt him. "What do you mean 'it's over'? What do you-"

"I mean we're done, Regulus," I said, cutting him off, feeling the tears fall freely. "This, all of this, its too much. I can't deal with the constant jealousy and the guilt and the resentment. Its not fair to me, and I can't do it anymore."

I saw the moment Regulus realised what was happening. I saw the moment he shut off, a mask slipping on his face that he hadn't used in a while as his eyes turned into grey pools of indifference. It fucking hurt, to see him look at me like that, to know we'd gone all the way back to the beginning, like nothing ever happened between us. Like we hadn't been falling for one another.

"This obviously doesn't mean much to you then," Regulus said stiffly. I had the thought he was trying not to cry. I was already crying, so it wouldn't really matter.

His words mattered though. They enraged me. They pushed me over the edge. How could he say that? How? "That's not fair! It obviously doesn't mean much to you if you can't even confront your parents about it!"

"Oh fuck you," Regulus spat, almost shaking. "Their fucking abusive, but yes of course, let me risk my fucking life to make you feel better."

"Risk your life? Risk your life? Regulus, you're asking to not get married to this person while you're still in school! You won't die of that! Sirius did far worse and he's still alive!

Regulus sneered at me. "Don't bring him into this. This is happening because you can't handle a bit of pressure in a relationship."

"You two kissed!" I screamed. "You kissed! That's not a little bit of pressure, Regulus! Have you not seen what this is doing to me? Have you not realised how degrading it is to see your boyfriend spend more time with his fiancé than you? Did you even bother to think about how it felt to have a boyfriend who was promised to someone else?"

Regulus stared at me, chest heaving. We were both forces to be reckoned with, and we were facing against one another, something I thought we wouldn't have to do again. I thought we were past all this.

"Just leave me alone," Regulus muttered, shoving past me on his way out of the door.

"Fine!" I shouted at Regulus's retreating figure, trying desperately to keep myself together.

As soon as the door slammed shut I fell to my knees, sobbing. My heart felt like it was being squeezed, or stabbed. I felt like there were these waves of grief just crashing over me again and again. I felt like I couldn't breathe and at the same time I felt like air was all that filled me, and I was just a hollow version of who I once was, marred by the loss of one of the people I held closest to my heart.

I wasn't sure how I managed to leave the room, but I did. I stumbled along the corridors and hallways, feeling my heart crack, crack, crack, until I managed to find Lily on her way to the Great Hall. Her eyes widened as she saw me and immediately embraced me.

The hug only made me cry more, and I spilled everything to her, feeling the heartbreak pierce my chest at each word. This was really happening. We were really breaking up. I was no longer with Regulus. The thought just slammed even more grief into me.

Lily could only stay a little while, because she had class, so eventually I found myself drifting aimlessly through Hogwarts, searching for something to help ease the pain I was feeling.

Not only did I lose Regulus, but I also lost Pandora, Avery, Evan, and Barty. All those friends I made, gone, because I was in too much pain to continue to cling to a relationship that wasn't even there anymore.

I wasn't the bad guy, was I? Seeing Regulus so hurt made me reconsider. I hated hurting him; it only hurt me twice as much, yet I did it because I thought it would be better for me. Regulus can be engaged to Selena all he wants, and I can at least try to move on.

Eventually I found myself outside, the school bell for the last class ringing in the distance. I sat there, staring at nothing, until someone sat down next to me. It was Dorcas.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi."

Dorcas looked at me curiously, noting my miserable mood, and she asks a question. About her suspicions. About Regulus and I. They were mostly right, and before I knew it I was blurting the truth of what happened to yet another person. I told her everything, and at the end of it all Dorcas just hugged me tightly.

"If you're going to be sad, at least be sad while eating food," Dorcas said, pulling away. "Come on, lets go to the kitchens."

And so I found myself in the kitchen with Dorcas by my side, a bucket of ice cream in the middle of us as she tried to cheer me up. I appreciated the gesture, I really did, but my thoughts always strayed back to Regulus, and the fact that we weren't together anymore.

The fact that he was no longer mine.

A/N:

i wasn't going to update today but i got bored in math class so here we are.

so... how we feeling?

y/n and reg broke up 😔 it had to happen tho, bc they were both so unhappy 

updating on friday