blue valentine

09212022

I left a part of me in your apartment. Right in the moment I am willing to sew my skin next to you – to share a single heartbeat with someone.
I left it the moment you guide me outside of the warmth, homey feeling of your embrace – it is like minutes before I told you how I long for your arms and how I miss you for a couple of times.
I left mine the moment I know I shouldn't be here in the first place. Right when I decided to play my cards again and the pizza that I have left remained unscathed from our hungry hands.
I left what's once was mine the moment I heard the thumping – the loud strikes of thunder inside your studio-type abode. The lover's face of disgust as he see me – covered in clothes yet barren in nakedness.
I left a half of who I was in the moment I ran as the paranoia kicks in. The fear of being called as the son of Magdalene. The anxiety of being stoned to death without any hints of resistance.

I left a part of me in you and I left with an empty hole for myself.

I left you with a series of what if's and wishful thinkings that in some other nights, you will come and wash the wounds you inflicted on me. I left with a broken soul and yearning heart – wondering which version of my half-assed, fictional stories about us would come true.
I left with a responsibility to stop talking about you yet I am still thinking of the grave injuries you give to me or the euphoria brought by our late night drives on that fateful Thursday night.

I wish you know that I miss you – I still miss you. You left a mark on me that I wish you'll be the one to fill it through. You are the one who taught me a secret language that no one will ever talk to. You are almost everything I ever want and I'll ever wanted...

but you left me with madness and a heart despairing.