blue valentine

the way i am

Someone from long ago told us that we, humans, are born with two heads, four arms and legs until some Greek god decided us to cut into halves. Let the Indian god blew the winds to scattered all the halves around the world – seperated by the pagan seas and mountains.

Their cruelty brings forth the feeling of love, alongside is loneliness. We are pieces of a giant puzzle, impossible to be completed. We are tiny molecules in a sea of strangers, where meeting the one who corresponds to every jagged edges of our existence seems a far-fetched reality.

That is why I came in alongside the waves. I find myself in empty spaces, small apartments, and restaurants – finding the feeling of being complete. I find the laughter in every tasteless conversations but they only got their because of my fucked up sense of humor. I find the delicate rush between illicit stares and meaningless kisses as we exchange foul words like a scripture waiting to be read. I find the sense of belongingness from whoever I met.

I find the feeling of being complete in every strangers who also find the same feeling and I blame the god who designed this atrocious fate to mankind. I blame them for my loneliness, for my despair, and every moment where it seems I am begging for anyone to be seen.

Or maybe, I am the exception from the myth. Maybe I am made to be alone and to wander this world all alone. Maybe I am the piece that will never fit to anybody. Maybe I am the more cruel joke from the gods. Maybe this is the way I am.