I'm Just a Loser: A BigBang Fanfiction

Fate

"Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you." SeungRi walks up to me at the front of the agency. It had been over a week since the break up.
"Yes?" I look up at his face. I was surprised that he didn't have a girlfriend yet. He was extremely handsome.
"What in the world is going on with you and Seunghyun? You won't talk about him and he won't talk about you and he looks like he just did seven different drugs and has had a continuous hangover for the past week." He cringes,"and oh god, I don't think he has showered either... Anyways, we tried to give him ice cream which usually works but he just walked away and I haven't seen his face all day."

I remember the one time that he got a terrible cold and I took a few days off to take care of him. Even though he was miserable, he was so cute in his pajamas all day.

Stop.

"Bree?" he waves his hand in front of my face trying to get me to pay attention to him.
"What? Oh yeah." I snap out of the memory.
"Did you guys like break up?"
"Yeah...we did."
"What?! No! No!" he yelled covering his ears and spinning in circles.
"What the heck Ri?" I look at him confused.
"You have no idea what this means," his eyes widen and he stops spinning.
"Um?"
"This means that I am going to have to deal with that," he aggressively points at the studios upstairs,"for like the next 6 months."
"Maybe you should talk to Ha Neul. She is going to have to deal with me so you could share tactics." I cautioned.
"But see, you look fine. He is like a kindergartener who misses their mom on the first day." He pauses,"not that you are like his mom or anything."
"Yeah I know." I laugh a little.

"Dongsaeng!" I hear a deep voice shout from the upstairs studios.
"And he has officially made me his slave." SeungRi sulks and turns around, "I'M COMING." his body shakes along with the huge scream.
"Have fun." I awkwardly laugh and pat his back after his scream scared me.
"Sometimes I don't like you Noona." He glares at me.
"Shut up you love me. Call me if you need anything." I lightly kiss his forehead as he pinches his face.
"Stop it. I'm not Daesung. Aish..." he mutters under his breath and leaves to the studio.
"You are the youngest!" I yell.
"Shut up I already know!" he replies from the other side of the room.

I laugh and walk to my office.

•••

"Seriously do any of you work?" I ask Daesung and JiYong as they walk up to me on his way to the studio.
"Why?" he asks, Daesung's eyes practically smiling for him.
"I just ran in to SeungRi in the hallway and he was crazy... as usual." I laugh.
"We heard the screaming." Ji smiles.
"Yeah," I look over at Ha Neul who was in the distant horizon sending me all sorts of crazy hand signals that she assumed I knew the meaning of.
"Um," I look past them at her trying to comprehend,"uh... Just come here!" I yell to her. She quickly signals 'no' and swipes her hand across her neck but stops and starts walking when JiYong turns around.
"Hi," she smiles to the guys and I while pushing her hair to the side.
"Hey," Ji smirks and for the first time, I can see a slight connection.

Finally. It's been a year.

"You want to come with us for lunch today?" Dae asks.
"We would love to," Ha's toothy smile radiates the area.
"Uh," I poke her back.
"Ouch!" she squirms,"oh wait, we can't."
"Why?" Ji asks.
"She broke up with S-" her hand shoots up to her mouth.
"What?" Daesung asks confused.
"Uh, I'm surprised Seung hasn't told you yet. We split up." I look down in sadness and frankly, a bit of shame.
"Oh...wow." Ji looks at me and I feel Daesung's strong arms wrap around me.
"I'm so sorry," he tightens his hold on me and I return it.
"It's fine, you shouldn't be sorry. I was the one who broke it off." He releases me and looks at my bowed head.
"You don't have to tell me."
"Well," I look back up,"you can ask him about it."
"Let's get to the office Bree." Ha Neul wraps her arms around me and we walk away, Ji hugging me lightly before returning on his normal route with Dae.
"I wonder what happened," his voice carries to my ears, unheard by everyone except me.
"I hope nothing too terrible." Daesung says sadly before their voices die out of audible range.

It was.

"You have got to be the most clumsy person I have ever met." I look over at Ha Neul.
"No..." she laughs.

•••

The day flies by and Ha and I walk to the cafe. I turn around before crossing the street and see a shadow whip behind the building.

What was that?

"Hold on I'll be back in a few minutes." I lightly touch her shoulder and make my way cautiously toward the area.
"What, Bree!" she shouts but her legs move across the street once the walk sign appears.

I slink back toward the right side of the building where I see a tall dark man leaning against the ally wall.
"Seung?" I ask already knowing it was him.
"Hm?" He looks up with a shadow across his face and then averts his gaze once seeing my face.
"Hey," I touch his arm,"you don't need me. And I hope you know, I'm not mad at you for what you did. I just want to know why."
His head stays low and I feel a warm tear trickle down my cheek.
"I do... I do need you." his body is static, "I'm so sorry."
"I know you are. But I just can't be with you any more. There isn't any trust." I sulk and wish the words hadn't escaped my mouth.
"I can't live like this Bree." He looks up and his face is full of bruises and cuts.

My heart stops are the sight of his disheveled face.

"What the hell happened to you?!" I scream and grasp both of his hands.
"I couldn't take it anymore." He covers his face,"I am so ashamed."
"Oh my god!" my eyes are flooded with tears,"where were you last night?"
"No where." He looks down the ally way and away from me.
"Where were you Seung?! I am not playing any more games!" I yell at him not caring who heard.
"I guess you could say I went back in time." he looks back at me, still just as broken as before,"I used to fight when I was younger. As a hobby. I felt like I needed to punish myself for what I did to you. So I...I..." he looks down at his feet.
"You let someone beat you till you are half dead?" I cry.
"You could say that... I am so stupid." His swollen face stares up to the overcast sky as tears run along the rough edges of his cuts and scratches.
"Seung...I..." I touch his face lightly trying to not cause him any pain,"I'm so sorry."
"I'm the one who did it. It was my idiotic decision."
"No," I look him in the eyes and flash back to the memories of before,"I love you and I don't want you to do this to yourself."
"But I thought you hated me after what happened." his eyelids close slowly.
"I.. I'm not happy with what happened but I can see you. I can see my loving boyfriend underneath it all. I don't care anymore. I love you and that is all that matters."
"No." his voice is demanding,"you don't deserve this broken piece of trash." He leans over on the brick wall,"no one does."
"I am taking you to a doctor." I grab his arm but he quickly rips it away with one single swipe.
"I told you that you don't deserve me."
"I'm worried about you." His face is hurt, pained, and tired.

He was tired of living.

"Leave me alone," he walks away down the alley and before I can chase him, his hand reaches out and motions for me to stop.

I needed to help him before it was too late.

-----

So this just got real. Anyways, now the story is building and getting easier to write and update, so it shouldn't be long until the next one is up! Sorry this one is shorter than the others! Thanks for reading!

Xoxo

Livi