I'm Just a Loser: A BigBang Fanfiction

Finding Answers

"Seung!" I scream down the vast shadow-filled alley, but he quickly turns a corner and disappears. I whip my head around in search of any support. I stumbled, tripping over my own feet and grasping a pipe on the side of the agency building. My lungs gasp for air, but my throat is shut tight and the scene in front of me begins to blur.

"Broken...piece of trash... you don't deserve me...no one does."

His words echo in my mind creating painful mental wounds. I needed to help him, I didn't even care about the earlier issues. I sink to the ground, my legs being cut by the glass shards left over from fights, garbage, and drunken alley visitors. But this time the pain isn't as noticeable. A small stream of warm, red liquid seeps through the dirt and down toward the street from my legs, leading anyone who follows the trail of blood right back to me.

My sobs die to a small whimper as I look up in to the dark desolate clouds. My legs stung and with every movement the cuts becoming deeper, even at the smallest of twitches.
"Oh my god. Bree!" I see Youngbae's silhouette at the opening of the alley.
"No-" I yell but he runs to me and grasps my hands quickly pulling me up to my feet,"ah!" I scream at the pain.
"What-" he stares at me as I sink to my knees the pain overwhelming my body. My knees now spilt from the glass.
"Ah!" He picks me up as I cry out.
"It's okay," he strokes my hair,"it's going to be okay," are the last words I hear before the blur turns to black.

•••

I wake up to a white sterile room. Just like how it is in the movies you know? When the girl passes out and wakes up at the hospital?
"Hello?" I sit up and a sharp pain surges through my legs and up in to the rest of my body,"ah!"
"She's awake." I hear a voice quietly whisper.
"Bree!" Ha Neul runs toward me about to wrap her loving arms around me but then stops in her tracks.
"What?" I ask, my body still tingling with pain.
"You...your legs." She looks down.
"What? I-" my eyes slowly look down to my legs. There was an intense amount of bandages and padding on them.
"Bree," a doctor slowly walks toward me, her clipboard full of documents and her heels clicking on the white tile,"you seemed to have fallen on an extremely large area of broken glass. Your legs are currently in very bad condition, some of the muscle tissue was ripped."
As the words sink in I stay completely still staring at her face, simple, yet pretty trying to forget.
"You just went through surgery to repair the damage, but you won't be able to walk for a good two to three weeks depending on the status of the wounds." she frowns at me and Ha Neul,"you'll be able to go home in three days."
"Ugh," I grunt and throw my head back making my leg move slightly underneath the dressings shooting pain through me again.
"Please," she steps toward me quickly,"stay still."

And I do. For the next three days, I laid there, still, alone. Ha wanted to stay but she had to work and the guys came when they could which wasn't often. But no Seunghyun. Apparently he hadn't gone to work ever since that day and there was nothing I wanted to do more than go to find him.

•••

The day I got back home I wheeled myself up to the door, the pain now slightly less noticeable. There was a small note attached to the door. "Bree". It read.

I opened the envelope and slipped the paper out of it.

"Your favorite color is sea blue or pink. You can never decide. Your favorite song was that cheesy one that came on at the grocery store that one day. You hate the smell of bug repellant, I would know because the one day I wore it, you made me shower ten minutes before going to the amusement park and you wouldn't hug me so I did. Your biggest fear is needles and you scream when they get near you. You love breakfast in bed and warm tea is your secret addiction. You love to have your hair stroked before you fall asleep because when you were little, your dad used to do that to help when you couldn't sleep. One day, you want to settle down and have two kids. Your life revolves around childhood dreams that you still believe in, even though everyone else has given up on theirs. You struggle with your past and was the last of your friends to have a boyfriend because you thought no one liked you. You don't believe you are beautiful even though jaws drop when you walk in a room. You think you are fat because of what other people have said and loud noises scare you. Your mother treated you badly when you were younger and abandoned you and your family never once looking back. You are an amazing singer and such a kind hearted person. I have never met someone like you and I never will. One of a kind, some say or unique. But those are too general. You are a gem amongst millions of bare, dull rocks. You are a blooming flower in a field of dry, dead weeds. I wish I could spend every minute with you, never looking back at anything. Just us, just me and you. But I am not worthy of this beautiful gem. I am too rough to be with a gorgeous flower. I hope you can find someone who can treat you better than anyone else has. I hope someone walks in to your life and loves you more than anything he has ever loved before. I know I did. I love you and that will never change, but you must go and find someone who loves you even more. Who loves you enough to never think of anyone else, even for a second. Who treats you with respect and doesn't leave you waiting. Who will never think twice. Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself. Goodbye. I will miss you.

Seunghyun"

The date at the top was from three days ago. He wrote this before I went to the hospital. He actually wrote this.

Tears ran down my cheeks as I smiled through them looking down at the note. He really did love me, enough to let me go.

"No please," I whisper at the last part of the note,"I need you back."

•••

I open the door and set the note in my lap, not wanting to let it go. I put my bags on the ground, my mind spinning with thoughts in such a large quantity I can barely keep my eyes open. My phone rings and I answer it. Ha Neul.

"Hey are you ready for me to come over?" she asks.
"Yeah," I say bluntly, still in shock.
"You okay?" her voice is concerned.
"Yeah I will show you when you get here."
"Okay see you in fifteen minutes." She hangs up and leaves me in a fog of emotion, frustration, and worry.

•••

"I'm here!" she shouts from the door.
"In the living room!"

She walks in and almost begins to cry after her eyes land on me.
"Please don't cry. I will be just fine, I'm a fighter!" I throw a small weak punch in to the air.
"It's just that...it makes me so sad to see you in so much pain."
"Hey at least they got all of the glass out." I laugh at her cringing face.
"Ew that is so creepy!" she covers her face.
"Well, I had to get a bunch of shots because they didn't want it to become really badly infected, but it just freaked me out so bad and they like had to hold me down. Now that is creepy." I smirk,"but it kind of helped with the fear."
"Well I'm just glad you are back here. We missed you at work." she smiles toward the counter that I hadn't seen yet.
"Wow," I look and see five flower baskets,"you guys did."
I wheel over to them and smell some roses.
"Who are these from?" I ask.
"Well one is from the guys and one is from me. The rest are from some people at the office."
"That is so sweet, like honestly." I smile at Ha Neul but her eyes avert my gaze and focus on the note in my lap.
"What is that?"she asks.
"It's a note for Seunghyun. From a few days ago. It was here when I got back." She reaches out to read it put I pull it away,"it's kind of private."
"Oh I get it." She sighs.
"I would let you read it but it's just kind of...personal." I look up at her,"I need to take a nap."
"Okay." she smiles and wheels me over to the couch and helps me lay down.
"You are the best." I smile.
"I'm always going to be here for you Bree. Always." I close my eyes and sleeps takes my body over, reliving my pain and taking me to a place of peace and harmony. Where everything finally seems okay.

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So hope you liked this chapter! Now there is some more drama... Yay! Anyways I thought that note was like the sweetest thing ever and any ways, you guys are the best and I hope you liked this semi-short chapter!

Xoxo

Livi