disappear

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by Hulyach

by Hulyach

The first time I've ever disappeared
Was back when i was born
Spitted out my mom's womb
"What a relief" she always said
While talking about giving birth to me
While talking about how she did not want me here
The second time i disappeared in
Was when i choose to not take up space
To be anything i was asked for
Just to get a glimpse of affection
Something that might give a meaning to my life
But i happen to not be enough
Not enough as a daughter
Not enough as a friend
Not enough as a lover
Not enough as a person
The third time i disappeared in
Was back when i wanted to find myself
I've lost myself throughout the process of trying to find it
And i kept on disappearing
For the fourth time
The fifth time
All the time