Spring by Angel Olsen
"How time has revealed how little we know us. I've been too busy, I should have noticed."
The Night We Met by Lord Huron
"I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you."
November 2018
"You really want us to end things?" Matty asked in disbelief, tears forming in his eyes. He was pacing around the room quickly, matching the pace of his heart rate.
Jade sat on the edge of the sofa. She couldn't look him in the eyes. His question weighed down her suggestion like a cinder block, a heaviness that she couldn't lift. She didn't realize the damage she had done. "I think you and I both know that it's for the best," she said, each word becoming more self-sabotaging as her statement went on. A tragic hero, setting up her own downfall.
She listened for a reaction. There was silence. She hated it because it meant that perhaps both of them forfeit the fight. She continued, "We're just both going through a lot right now." She was trying to convince herself just as hard as she was trying to convince him, "I think we're both so different from when we first met each other."
That was all the material she could conjure up. It wasn't enough to give her the strength she needed. Tears started to roll down her face. Matty wiped his tears away.
"Maybe you're right."
Those were not the words Jade wanted to hear, but she wouldn't have been able to accept any other reply.
Cries echoed through a baby monitor in the living room, the recipe for a perfect storm. All chances of salvation were blown away in a hurricane. Whatever was left burning, had now been put out by wind and rain.
"I'll get her," Jade said trying to piece herself back together.
"No," Matty stated bluntly, walking towards the nursery in the hallway, "I've got it."
Even with a millisecond of his absence, Jade felt a lifetime's worth of regret. In a perfect movie world, she would rewind a tape and rewrite the script. She tried to tell herself that she was following some weird, twisted, and sadistic instinct she had. In reality, it felt like every choice she made in the past hour was made from severe overthinking; overthinking what she needed, overthinking what Matty needed. It was moments like this that reminded her that her mind was the biggest weapon in creating her pain. She thought about trying to take everything back, but she couldn't deny that maybe there was truth to what she said to him. The weapon won. She took her face out of her palms and got up from her seat.
Her body seemed to stop consulting her mind. Her brain was numb, the kind of numb that only happens after a deep primal cry that nothing in nature could help describe.
As if she was being possessed, Jade walked down the hallway, passed the nursery, and into her and Matty's bedroom. Stumbling into the closet, her hands found themselves picking up the first suitcase she saw. She threw it on the bed and started filling it with clothes, a clear lack of reason and logic in the items she chose.
"She just needed a nappy-", Matty started with a breathy and defeated tone as he walked into the room, initially unaware of Jade's actions. "What are you doing?" He spoke pleadingly and urgently.
"I don't know," Jade responded, her voice barely audible from crying, "I think I should leave."
"No, please don't leave."
She continued to pack.
"Where are you gonna go, Jade?" Matty reiterated.
"I'll get a hotel. We can take turns with Viola."
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
About You. (Matty Healy)
रोमांस"Well, I wrote a song about you." It had been a long time since she heard him say those words. Maybe she was relieved to hear him say them again. Maybe this is what she had been missing. #1 in mattyhealy on 4/23/23
