Mr. Blue by The Fleetwoods
"Our guardian star lost all his glow the day that I lost you"
Fireworks by First Aid Kit
"Sit out on that beach in Chicago, woke up next to you on Silver Lake Avenue"
December 2018
It had been a month since Matty and Jade broke up and two weeks since Matty left for tour. The two were putting in their best efforts to make co-parenting work, despite the complicated scheduling, the long distance, and the time difference. Matty would make it a priority to FaceTime Jade and Viola every day. He knew he wasn't pulling his weight as far as the mundane tasks of parenting went. His days went completely unscathed of changing nappies and preparing baby food. It was something he felt deep and debilitating guilt for, a ginormous boulder tied to his ankle. He would express these feelings to Jade, but she constantly reassured him that it wasn't "that big of a deal". She went about justifying it from the fact that she wasn't prepared to separate from Viola yet.
When Jade wasn't taking care of her daughter, Jade spent her days writing plays, workshopping plays, and popping into rehearsals. The process of it all started to become muscle memory, rather than a willing creative endeavor.
On the road, Matty spent his days writing songs, finalizing tour details, and hanging out with the band. The cities started to blur together and the only clear point mapped out in his brain was going back home.
Staying busy seemed like the best way to fill the newly formed void for both of them.
Matty stood on the stage of the United Center. The band was doing a quick rehearsal and sound check in the morning. They were playing in Chicago tonight. For months, this was a night he had been looking forward to. Jade had previously talked about possibly joining them out there. She changed her mind when their relationship changed as well. Now, he tried to fight a weird sense of circumstantial animosity towards the city. Everything reminded him of Jade, making him obtusely aware of her absence. Even the softest whistle of the wind heard on his way to the stadium made the hollowness manifest into a pit in his stomach. He was overwhelmed with a form of aimless anxiety that created a suspicion of impending doom. Matty was a bit on edge and everyone around him could tell. He approached everything with strict precision, trying to limit room for the errors that his mind feared. He made everyone run the setlist at least twice, making the most minuscule adjustments.
"Right, I think everything sounds great," one of the sound operators spoke up in hopes of wrapping things up.
"I agree," George spoke up, trying to prevent and soften the blow that he feared Matty might give the operator. "Maybe it's all time we take a bit of a break."
Ross and Adam nodded in agreement.
"I could go for some lunch right now," Adam said.
Matty let out a loud and heavy sigh, trying to relieve the momentum of the pressure he had placed on himself. His bandmates started to abandon their instruments, heading backstage.
"You coming with?" George asked him.
"I need a second," he responded while pushing his hair back. The action made it seem like he was trying to concentrate on finding his way out of some mental maze. "You guys go ahead. I'll catch up."
George patted him on the back. They left. Matty sat down, his legs dangling off the stage. He pulled out a small notebook from his back pocket. Maybe writing some of his thoughts down would help. He stared at the blank page, fixating on it.
YOU ARE READING
About You. (Matty Healy)
Romance"Well, I wrote a song about you." It had been a long time since she heard him say those words. Maybe she was relieved to hear him say them again. Maybe this is what she had been missing. #1 in mattyhealy on 4/23/23
