Everything Blue

L Homecoming

"So you've got your passport, the suit, your tooth brush-"
"Harry anything we forget we can buy back home." I snap back. I was afraid of what home might feel like without my mum.
"Okay well I have to make sure I have all my Spain outfits. You saw what I got for the party yeah?" Harry was running around like a hamster who drank too much coffee.
"Harry can you..."
"I can't forget my shoes and my deodorant, this stuff works-"
"Harry!"
The room finally fell silent, something it hasn't been since we woke up that day.
"We are going home for a funeral first. The most important funeral." My heart shattered a bit more with each word. I knew deep down that a reunion with his friends, a party all about him, was exactly what he needed after these few hard months. Being ripped away from family, having to find yourself by starting over, dealing with your loser boyfriend. Although I felt for him, I needed him to feel for me first. I've stuck to his texting plans, I've stayed clean, I somehow made it through withdraws without my crew noticing; I was finally working through this. But I needed this last thing.
"I'm sorry Lou you're right." I finally looked into his tired green eyes and instantly feel better.  "I'm so proud of you for finally facing something. I'm sorry we couldn't be there for the burial."
"That's okay I'm glad my family held the funeral for me."
"Do you feel good enough to do this?" Harry asked as if the question was what he wanted to ask all along. Although I had only done drugs around him for a short amount of time, it seemed like he saw me strung out and homeless. A little bump in my recovery, this was just a minuscule blip.  I am so grateful Harry caught on so early so it didn't become more but he treats me as a child.
I'm sure he's never been around this, when I was his age I had already been using.
"I think so. But with my little parole officer around I'll be fine. Feel free to try to use cuffs if I misbehave, but I'm very good at turning tables." I look at him with a glimpse of hope. If he laughs, I know that he and I will be okay.
"If you break my rules I'd cuff you to the bed." Harry smirks but doesn't look at me.
"And torture me. Oh being unable to touch the magnificent Harry Styles!"
His beautiful laugh warms up my heart as I feel hope fill me.
"You write your own fantasies I don't even have to participate."
"But I am grateful for all the times you do participate. In everything."
Harry blushed and looked down at his feet. I never thank him enough for all he does for me and I know it's not something he's used to.

Once Harry and I got in my house, the smell instantly hit my nose.
"No way you left the cereal and milk out? Louis!" Harry ran ahead to clean up while I tried to hide a laugh.
"I'm sorry, you know I was missing my passport and that's all I could focus on! Hey put on the maid dress if you're cleaning."
"It's in the drain, but let's hide in the bedroom while the smell dies down, please."
Harry and I laugh as we head up to the bedroom and Harry closes the door behind him.
"Scared it'll follow us up here?" Harry didn't respond, instead stared at my bed. I felt my stomach flip in excitement.
"Wouldn't it be nice if when we came back, I'd come back here too?" Harry moved closer to me, placing his hands on my hips.
"Uh yeah sure I mean we do live together somewhere else huh?" I look around the room; at what's left of my personal space. I was actually hoping he would want to be home with his family while we were back, allow me to breathe.
"Oh and when we come back, I was thinking I could take some music classes." I could tell Harry's mind was at a million thoughts per minute. Honestly I just wanted to unwind.
"Take some in Spain, diversity and I'm going to be there for a while. You really want to wait 2 more years? The movie it's a lot. Big budget means we need to big sell it. Even after recording there's press, parties and parties." I move and sit on the bed rubbing my eyes. I hope Harry catches the, let's talk later vibe.
"Right. You're right. Where would I be without my other half?" Harry moves and kisses me, sitting on my lap. I try to move in for some more, even slip my tongue across his lips but he pulls back. "Zayn and Niall are showing me their campus soon, I should get ready. I smell like airport."
I just watched Harry dig through his bag and grab his toiletries, bee-lining for the bathroom. I didn't say anything even though I knew there were more layers to this conversation. Between my mother, the cravings and the withdrawals; I don't even think I have the energy to deal with my own emotions.

I was hoping Harry would finally be the adult here.