Addicted (Andy Biersack)

Chapter Twenty-three

It is safe to say that I am unable to handle certain situations. For example, I don't do well around blood. I don't like to talk about romantic feelings head-on. I am usually not the one to start difficult conversations. I don't like hurting people's feelings. I don't know how to react when I find out that the person I've been in love with for the past few years used to have sex with my mom. I can not handle my boyfriend, whom I don't really love, asking me to marry him in front of more than twenty of our closest people.

Yes, I am flawed. I realize that some of these things are inevitable. For example, I am bound to come in contact with lots of blood at some point. I sort of expect to hurt someone here and there along the way. I was pretty sure that Adam would ask me to marry him at one time or another. But finding out that Andy used to fuck my mom? Holy fucking shit! I didn't even think of that as a possibility, let alone how I would handle the situation if it ever came to it.

You can't keep telling me I remind you of my parents, or my mom more often than my dad, and then keep sleeping with me when you know you've had that sort of relationship with her. You can't even think about starting something like that with me. Are you fucking joking? Jesus Christ.

I didn't even have the time to process the fucking information before Adam got down on one knee. Were they both in on it? Like did they make some sort of deal? Did they agree on ruining one of the most important events in my life by dropping these two bombs on me?

Luckily, I have a survival instinct which took me the hell out of there. Yeah, sure, it's not a very grown-up thing to do to run away from your problems, but right now I don't give a shit.

Fuck Andy, fuck Adam, fuck everything.

It's like some part of me knew this would happen, because two days before graduation, I booked a one-way ticket to England. I knew that I needed some soul searching to do. I felt it was the only right thing for me to do. Thank God for that because now, I actually have a good escape plan. Mom almost fucked it all up for me when she found me crying in some back alley near the restaurant.

"There you are," she said, sounding relieved.

"Please go away," I begged her. But she wouldn't. She sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulders.

"I thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Adam, bean," she said.

"Not really," I told her.

"You know I will support you no matter what, but I have to ask. Why didn't you break up with him earlier then?"

"I don't know. I didn't want to hurt him. He's still one of my best friends," I said.

"Baby, that is never a good reason to keep dating someone."

"I know. I just didn't think he'd ask me to marry him so soon. I thought I had more time."

"Josie, you two have been together since sophomore year. That's pretty long. Breaking up with him in front of all of us was kind of really rude. I hope you realize that."

"I do. I know I'm a bitch. But what was I supposed to say? Should I have accepted? Then I'd be unhappy for the rest of my life. I know for a fact that if you were in my place, you wouldn't have done it any other way."

"You're probably right," she said.

We were both quiet for a while before she asked me what my plan was now.

"I'm going to England in two days," I told her.

"You're what?!" She raised her voice.

"Mom, I'm an adult. You can either accept it or, I don't know..."