Dating Mistakes

Chapter 9

Andrew

It's exhausting. Like someone is trying to smash my skull open and fry my brain till I have no will to live anymore.

Yeah, that's how completing these assignments feel like. But that's partly the reason why I'm feeling so out of sorts today. Mostly the reason for why I'm having the urge to tear my hair out happens to be a certain brunette. And the fact that she always assumes the worst of me. And on the top of it all, I despise the fact that I even give a shit about what she thinks of me.

But then again, when have I ever given her a reason to think otherwise? When have I ever given anyone else any other reason to not think of me as a world class jerk? Except that I've never cared much for anyone's opinion. People talk shit behind your back, no matter how much you laugh at their stupid hoary jokes and smile through their excruciatingly narcissistic tales. I armoured myself up a long time ago with indifference. But now, I can feel the cracks appearing, all because of Gemma.

I'm in the school library, trying to focus on the task at hand. But all I can think about is how I left her standing that day when all she asked was a genuine question. And it's not her fault that my emotions got the best of me at the moment. But having to explain how my life has been slowly but surely spiraling out of control over the past few years until one day it all fell apart was a thought so unbearable, I opted for the safest route available. Escape. Run far far away from the chaos that was my life, void of any other emotions than the one I've become all too familiar with: Pain.

It's not her fault that she doesn't know my grandma's counting her last breathe, praying that it all ends sooner. It's not her fault that my mother has always hated grandma living with us and never forgets to remind her that explicitly. It's not her fault my dad's a raging alcoholic who can't take two steps forward without tripping on his own feet. But this year has been the worst. Mom discovered all about dad's clandestine meetings that had nothing to do with his work.

I can't spend a moment in that house without feeling like an invisible hand is closing up around my throat whenever they're in the same room and dad's sober long enough to hurl insults at mom and mom yelling and complaining about everything.

They're my parents but they've never been the people I look upto.
Blood relations can not default someone into loving another. Because loving is by choice and one I only made when it came to my grandma.

As my focus drifts again, I push the books aside and make my way out of the room. I only take a few steps out of the door before I spot her.

A weird sense of déjà vu hits me as I watch her standing and talking to Elaine. But this time, Ethan is also there. And they all laugh at something Gemma says. I stand a few feet away and watch her for a moment. The way her hazel eyes seem like stars have descended from the sky and found a home in her eyes whenever she smiles. Her dark curls wound up in a high ponytail. I wonder if they feel as soft as they look. Her height is almost as same as Elaine's, maybe a few inches taller, but still her presence fills the whole room with an ethereal glow.

Or maybe I'm just losing my mind. She's just too good to be true, it makes me question everything about her. Everything she seems. I might feel a little bad about last Saturday, but that doesn't mean I trust her. I can never trust anyone. And no one's that perfect.

But I still walk over to their small group. "Hey, Gemma? Can we talk for a moment?"

She turns to me,"Oh, I don't know. You made your feelings about 'talking to me' pretty clear that day."

"I know I acted out that day. I was a little stressed but just, hear me out."

After a moment's hesitation, she relents. We walk into the library where my books and notes are scattered about the table in front of my seat. I sit and she sits across from me.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for ruining your morning that day. It's just that I've had a shitty year, that morning not any better, and I let it all out on you."

She looks at me and sighs. "It's okay. I'm sorry too. I mean you asked for my help, I acted as if it pained me to help you out. Because while you are a pain in my ass, still you seeked me out to help you and I unintentionally turned you down."

Too good to be true.

"I know, that's why I came to you. But now that everything's out of the way, let's get this thing done. These assignments are not gonna complete themselves, firefly, and if I have to do it all alone for one more second, I'm very likely to kill myself."

We both laugh but get back to work and somehow, I feel a hundred times lighter and a thousand times focused this time.

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