Dating Mistakes

Chapter 12

Elaine

"Gee, El, have a little faith in me." Ethan grabs onto my arm and hauls me up. "We've done this so many times. You should be used to it by now."

"Still, it hasn't been enough time for me to trust these stupid rocks." I huff as I sit beside him, legs dangling from where we sit on the edge of the cliff.
It's a small trek from my house to up here but this cliff is a little high up and I can't ever climb up on my own.
Ethan and I come here, when it feels like we haven't really had time to catch up with each other or just feel overwhelmed. And this week has been a little crazy ever since I blurted everything out to Gem. Not that it is her fault.

But ever since that day, I'd been feeling a little different. I mean I might have been a little attracted to Noah when we first met and then when we talked, I felt really connected to him. So I'd finally taken him up on his offer when he asked me to go to a drive through movie date.

It was one hell of a cheesy movie but I hadn't cared because I'd wanted to be there. With him. And we didn't watch a single thing and instead ended up talking about books. Well, it was, mostly, me who talked. Nonstop.
And he'd listened and reacted and asked questions like he'd been really hooked on every word I said. By the time I'd finished and the torture of a movie had finally come to an end, it'd been late.

"I really like you, Elaine, you know that right?" He looked at me and the moon enhanced the vulnerability of his features and words, ten folds. We were just outside my house, in his car.

"Noah, I like spending time with you. A lot. But, please, bear with me. I don't have it in me to rush into something that quickly." I knew it hurt but it had to be out there.

"Oh no! That's not at all what I meant." He shook his head. "No, I just wanted you to know. I'm not trying to rush you or anything. I'm just glad you even gave me a chance today."

"Well then, I guess I'll go now. It's pretty late and parents are going to start freaking out soon. I'm surprised they haven't blown my phone already."

"I'm glad they haven't yet." He stared at me but I made no move to exit. I looked into his eyes and suddenly, I felt familiar, like I'd seen those eyes before. Long before we bumped into each other at Dream Cone. Way too long before, that my mind seemed to struggle to grasp the flashes and echos of a time that was hidden in a deep, deep corner of my sub conscious. I still didn't know if I could trust him. No. But I knew that I'd known him.

"Yeah, so good night, Noah. I had a great time today. Thanks for everything." I exited the car as he called out after me, "My pleasure!"

I snap back to the present at Ethan's long sigh. "It feels like a lifetime ago since we came here. You know one of my poems was published in the school magazine last week."

"Really? That's great, Ethan. Well, why didn't you say anything?" It's Tuesday so we spent the entire afternoon together. And it's not like I didn't see him at all the whole week.

"You seemed pretty busy. Anyway, it just didn't feel like it would've mattered considering how stressed out you were." He looks out at the sea. The sun has started setting, painting the sky with orange and red and yellow. A beautiful gradient. Just like Ethan's poem.

My heart suddenly feels too heavy for my own chest. I get that I've been really busy these days. It's our senior year and the exam season is just around the corner. In fact I haven't even seen Gemma since that day at my house. We've texted a bit but it was only for school purposes.

"I can't believe you thought I was too busy to share your excitement. Too busy to hear you out. Too busy to be your best friend." I'm hurt but it's not all his fault. It not all mine either. And I have no right to blame anyone else.

"I know. It's not your fault. We've all been busy and it's alright. I'm just glad we're here." He wraps his hand around mine and gives me a small smile.

"Ethan Sinclaire, never ever ever forget that I am always there for you. Always here to listen to whatever you have to share. If it's a good or bad news or all you want to do is rant until you've let it all out, I'm there. I'm there even if just to give you a shoulder to cry on. So never say anything that makes me feel like you are not my first priority." I give his hand a tight squeeze and he releases it, only to wrap an arm around my shoulder and pull me closer to his chest.

"Wow, that was quite the speech. Although, that rant part is all you. I'm never the one who does that." I smack his arm and we both laugh. "But thank you El, you have no idea what your friendship means to me. What you mean to me."

"I know. So what is that poem about?"

"Oh that...wait a second." He pulls his arms away from me and I shiver involuntarily at the sudden loss of his warmth. He reaches into his back pocket and retrieves a piece of paper.

"Here."

I take it from him and start reading.

Thousand lives in a lifetime

So still, the pages stuck
forever till pulled apart
Hoping that one day
They might thaw a heart

A cardigan of twenty six letters
Woven so intricately
Possessing the warmth of thousand Suns
And spilling the darkest secrets intimately

Ink on the paper like a secret lover's kiss
So close and yet so far away.
Wields the power to change a million thoughts
and yet itself stays the same everyday

An odyssey to another world,
another time is all this mind desires
A book in my hand and a peaceful corner,
is my perfect lair.

"Ethan, it's...about books." The dumbest response if I've ever heard one. But I skim the words on the page with my fingers, trying to etch them into my skin and feel them flow through my veins.

"Yeah," He rubs the back of his neck and I can't tell if it's the remaining sunlight painting his cheeks the lightest shade of red or if he's blushing. "And I've written this one specifically for you. As a thank you for converting me into a bookworm like yourself." He chuckles.

"Ethan, I..." I falter, words failing me because there are not enough words in the whole universe to describe what I'm feeling. I know he loves reading books too but he never did before I practically bullied him into reading. He didn't write these beautiful poems before that. So somehow, it hits different that he actually put all the inexplicable feelings and hopes and dreams of a reader and dreamer like me into words. All because of me. All for me.
I can't speak, so I don't. Instead, I throw my arms around him and hug him tightly. He returns my embrace. And we sit there just like that, suspended in the moment, for what feels like minutes, hours, days, years, centuries, I can't tell. At last, I pull away.

"So, tell me what happened with you this last week? Anything interesting?" He looks at me and I look away. I clear my throat and look back at him. I have to tell him. He's the one person I trust except for my family and Gemma. And after today, how much of a hypocrite would I be if I kept this from him?

"So..." I fidget with the hem of my dress. "You know Noah? I kinda went on a date with him." And just like that, the tender moments I just shared with him are gone and replaced with air full of tension and I wish I could take my words back. But I can't.

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