lana del rey one shots

41. infatuations

a/n: at this point i don't even know how come i still have time to write THIS with 2 unis and a full-time job, but... enjoy this 20k-ish(20 298!!!) word chapter? lots of sex and drama and i am NOT sorry x

Lana silently watched Amber, her thoughts drifting off.

she has not seen her for three years. absolutely.

her thick eyebrows had a more evident soft frown to it; Lana wondered what could have possibly caused it. her eyes were still the same cool calm gray, but the way she looked at everything and everyone changed; her voice changed too. not all that much, but it became lower and... calmer. if it could even possibly become any calmer than it already was. she spoke slower and seemed to be in this serene unbothered state all the time. Lana focused on her features again. her hands, especially her fingers, got slimmer to the point when they were long and almost bony with veins and rings on them; pianist hands that's how they call it?

was she single? she probably had a girl. or a boyfriend?

she was easy to love and people like her do not stay single for long.

Lana sighed. the little stinging slowly appearing in her chest at the thought of Amber changing so much and being with someone. she did not know how to feel. she started it. or more like ended? three years passed and time did heal; new infatuation or even infatuations; all of it makes you forget. makes you forget and heal and just go on with your life like nothing ever happened. like Amber was not there for 7 years, because it did not hurt anymore. she stopped crying, but Lana could still feel a little ache; a little stingy feeling right on the left side of her chest, the one that could suffocate fully if it continued for long. and she would lie to herself absolutely if she said it would not feel usual to go to Amber's car after they are done and go home; to one apartment. like those three years never happened.

she did not know whether it would feel good or right, but it would feel usual.

Lana was so used to her.

those were her first relationships where she did not feel terrified by it. when the stability and certainty brought her comfort and confidence, not the fear of being abandoned or hurt after so much time; Amber was stable. stable and predictable. she knew she would get picked up from the studio; she knew that Amber was late, but would still return back home every time. for once stability felt good. Lana sometimes would think if ending it all was really worth it. on especially sad evenings, she would sit and think; remember their talk. how unnecessarily calm it was and Lana would think that it hurt her much more than if Amber had screamed her down and told her to go fuck herself.

"Lana, i'll need like maybe a week to finish this," Amber sighed, turning around in her chair to look at her. it seemed like her hair got darker and longer as she had it in a high ponytail. her accent got so much thicker as she probably had not used English much during these years.

"you take your time, that's alright," Lana tried to smile. she knew that if Amber said it would take a week, it would be ready in a week; she knew that the job would be done perfectly. she trusted her and relied on her, probably much more than just a work relationship. she could trust her with her life and knew it would not be a disappointment.

"it was nice to see you. really," a modest but genuine smile appeared on Amber's face.

"it was nice to see you too," Lana suddenly felt that little stinging somewhere on the left in her chest get worse and tried to force out a smile, "i'll see you?"

"yeah, sure," Amber smiled, "call me before though, i might be in a different country."

"i– i don't think i have your number... your American–"