✓ LOVE TRIAL | HEESEUNG

15 - I Hate To Admit

Heeseung's POV

I've never willingly admitted someone made me feel good. Not until I met Y/N.

I watch her sleep next to me, strands of hair falling on her face before I tug them behind her ear and stroke her cheek with my thumb. She looks so peaceful, holding the blanket close to her while sleeping, and my heart somehow swells with a warmth I've never felt before. I can't understand how I managed to sleep tonight, but it has something to do with Y/N and it doesn't sit right with me.

I find myself too mesmerized by her features. Her hair is so beautiful and her lips are so plump and kissable. Hearing her moans and feeling her insides around my cock will be an unforgettable memory that will linger in my mind for a long time, and I'm not sure if I like it. Women I used to sleep with always left after they got what they wanted, so having someone next to me this early in the morning feels strange. It's always just me and my nightmares.

Brushing off these thoughts, I make my way to the bathroom to shower. There's nothing Y/N could use to shower so I make a mental note to ask Jake to buy some for her. I don't know why I'm so concerned about her comfort but perhaps it's because one night with her isn't enough. If I want more, she'll need to know that I'm willing to invest in this kind of fling thing. The water cascades down my body while I try to clear my mind, feeling myself drift into memories I've tried to bury deep in my mind.

She's still sleeping when I step out of the shower, so I just make myself some coffee and watch the news. It's always the same. Scandals, murders, business shit... I'm sick of it at this point yet it keeps my mind distracted from everything else I want to forget. My mind hates me, but I don't mind it. Because no one can be as mean to me as I am to myself.

The picture of my mother and I sits next to the TV and my gaze drifts to it, wondering what would have happened if she were still alive. How my life wouldn't be this ruined. I hate the fact that it had to be my mother. I wish it was him. I wish he felt all her pain and died and left the world with his cruelty instead of her. 

She had so much love to give when he was only an asshole to everyone. All those times when he used to lock me in the basement all night when my mother was staying at the hospital, I can't get them off my mind. He was a monster, and unless he dies and fucking leaves my world, he'll always be the monster I carry with me, the one who haunts my nightmares and poisons my relationships. Such an inhuman creature as him shouldn't even be called a human being.

"Heeseung?" My thoughts are all interrupted when Y/N's voice breaks through the walls that were building around me. And when I turn around, she's standing at the door, wrapping the blanket around her body as if I didn't memorize every inch of it. "Good morning."

I stare at her for a while before I stand up and make my way to her. She avoids looking me in the eye and it makes me shake my head in disbelief. I lift her chin with my fingers, urging her to meet my gaze. "You were begging me to fuck you a few hours ago and now you can't even look at me?" Her eyes go wide and she looks at me, making me smirk. "Good morning to you too."

"Uh..." I watch as she looks down, hugging the blanket closer to her body. I look away, giving her the privacy she wants. "Do you have anything I can wear? I actually need to shower first."

"I ordered some clothes for you, and some things that you might need. Jake will arrive soon. I'll make you breakfast in the meantime." This is all new to me. Not totally, but it's been ages since I took care of someone and the unfamiliarity makes me uneasy. But somehow, when I look at her and find her smiling gratefully, some of that uneasiness fades away.

"You're really making an effort to impress me." She raises her eyebrow and before she turns around and heads to the bathroom, carefully dropping the blanket at the door, leaving me staring at her bare back. "Thank you. Really." The door closes behind her and I'm left stunned by how good she is at taking me off guard. I like this woman.