✓ LOVE TRIAL | HEESEUNG

24 - Always, I'll Care

Y/N's POV

He's a fucking asshole.

That's what I keep telling myself all the way back home. One minute he says he wants only me then the next, he's pushing me away like I'm nothing to him. When I step inside the house, I slam the door shut and let out a heavy sigh. "Crazy asshole," I mutter, tossing my shoes somewhere before I walk into the living room, only to freeze in my spot.

"Oh, Y/N," Daniel stands up from the couch, his eyes wide open. "Hey." Why is Clarissa's brother here and where's Mom? I look around for her and she's nowhere to be seen, but when I hear the bathroom door open, I turn around, my heart dropping at the sight. She's wrapped in a towel and her eyes are wide open, guilt clear on her face.

"Y/N..." She starts, doing nothing but looking me in the eye. "Why are you home early?"

"What's happening?" I'm about to lose it for real. Daniel and Mom? This is ridiculous. "Actually, don't tell me. I just... I'll leave."

"Wait, Y/N, I'll-" I can hear her coming after me but I open the door and leave the house as soon as possible. I don't need her to explain anything, it's all fucking obvious. I start my motorcycle and start driving to literally anywhere, desperate to escape the chaos and confusion that has overtaken my home. My mind is in a haze. I can't believe what I just witnessed, I mean I always knew Mom and Daniel had some connection but I thought they were just friends. He's Clarissa's brother for fuck's sake. I know he's not married or anything and I know she can do whatever she wants, but Daniel? I can never see him as Mom's boyfriend. He's like a friend. I don't even know why I'm crying and I feel so pathetic right now it's annoying the shit out of me.

I pull over to the side of the road, trying to compose myself. I can't keep driving like this. Then Sunoo pops into my mind and I grab my phone to call him. But he doesn't answer. I haven't heard from him for the past week but I don't blame him, he must be busy.

The lump in my throat grows when I realize I have no one to turn to. I'd be damned if I went back to Heeseung, Mom is busy fucking Daniel, and Sunoo who's supposed to be my rock is not here. I feel so alone and lost. It feels like the ground beneath me is shaking so I sit there for a moment, wiping my tears off and trying to think about what I can do. Whoever I can go to. Then I think about him.

"Hello? Y/N?" Jake's voice feels like a warm blanket wrapped around me. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Hey, can you come pick me up? I know it's-" I'm trying to keep my voice steady as I speak, but the tears threaten to spill over again. I never imagined turning to Jake for comfort or support, but at this moment, he's the only one I have left.

"Wait, tell me, where are you?"

"I'm by the side of the road, Jake. I just... I don't know where to go." My voice breaks on the last word, and I take a deep, shuddering breath. It feels like the dam holding back my emotions is about to burst. The pain, betrayal, and confusion rush through me, making it hard to speak.

"I'll be there in a few minutes, Y/N. Just hang on, okay?" His voice is soothing, and I can feel some of the panic and fear draining away. How did I get here?

The sun is setting in the distance, casting a golden glow over everything. But I can't appreciate the beauty of it all right now. All I can think about is how alone and lost I feel. Seeing my mom with Daniel upsets me more than I care to admit. I know I should be happy for her. I know the one relationship she had with my father had such a tragic ending and if anything, I want her to be with someone who'd give her the love she deserves. Daniel is a good man. He had always been such a nice person and friend, yet when it comes to dating my mother, it just feels wrong. No, I'm not really ready to witness it. Especially when I'm busy with all the chaos Heeseung is causing inside my mind. I don't know if that's selfish or if it's only human to feel this way.

When Jake's car pulls up beside me and I see him get out of it, it feels as if I had just chewed mint gum and then drank ice-cold water, the silky smooth feeling of the cold air traveling through my lungs. His eyes widen as he takes in my appearance and I suddenly feel self-conscious. "I think I might look like a mess-"

"Can I hug you?" He asks, and the question seems unreal, but I nod and he wraps his arms around me. I sink into his warmth, grateful for the support. It feels strange to be held by someone other than my mother or Sunoo, but at this moment, Jake is exactly what I need. "You don't look like a mess, Y/N. Whatever's going on, we'll figure it out." His words somehow bring me so much comfort and I find myself believing him. "Come on, let's sit you down."

I don't say anything while he leads me to the car, letting me sit in the passenger's seat while he looks inside for something. Then before I know it, he's handing me a water bottle. The plastic bottle feels cool in my trembling hands as I twist off the cap and take a sip. "Better?" My throat feels raw, my voice is scratchy, and the water soothes it all. I nod weakly, unable to form words just yet. Jake watches me with a soft, concerned expression, his eyes searching mine as if trying to read the thoughts that I'm unable to voice.

"Thank you," I whisper, my voice hoarse but sincere. Jake nods, his eyes never leaving mine, and I know that he understands.

"I don't want you to talk about anything if you don't feel like it, but it's okay to not be okay, Y/N. Sometimes life throws us curveballs, and we need to take a step back to catch our breath." The words hit me like a wave. He's right. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to take a break and catch my breath. I take another sip of water and close my eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin and the gentle breeze blowing through my hair.

"Thank you, Jake. I really mean it." I say softly, opening my eyes and looking at him. He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners, but then his smile slowly disappears.

"Actually... I'm sorry about what happened with Heeseung." My heart drops at the mention of the name I hate the most right now. "He's a pain in the ass, sometimes."

"Most of the time," I say, earning a chuckle from Jake.

Heeseung is a complicated person. He can be a real pain in the ass. He's cold and aloof, and he often says things nonchalantly that cut straight to the bone. He doesn't seem to care about anyone's feelings but his own, and he can be dismissive and condescending at times. But on the other hand, he can be the sweetest, most thoughtful person you'll ever meet. He'll remember the smallest things and make you laugh until your sides hurt. People gravitate toward him like moths to a flame. It's frustrating because when he's in one of his moods, there's no reason with him. He'll shut down and withdraw into himself, leaving you feeling like you're talking to a brick wall. And yet, when he's in a good mood, he's like a ray of sunshine, and I can't help but want him. It's hard to reconcile these two sides of him, and I often wonder which one is the real Heeseung.

Is he the sweet, caring person who makes me feel seen and heard? Or is he the cold, dismissive person who makes me feel small and insignificant?

"But sometimes he's just like a lost child." Jake's voice snaps me out of my trance and I look up at him when he says, "I mean, sometimes he acts out because he's hurting inside. He doesn't know how to deal with his own pain, so he takes it out on others. I'm not saying that excuses his behavior, but it might help you understand where he's coming from."

"I know he's been through so much."

"Trust me, Y/N, you don't," He shakes his head and his voice is soft, but there's a bitter edge to it that makes me uneasy. "Apart from the awful childhood he had, he's been through more heartbreak than anyone deserves. Wherever he looks for love, he ends up hurt, so deeply that it leaves him scarred. He's been carrying that pain with him ever since." Why does the thought of Heeseung loving someone makes me uneasy? Not just someone, but someone else, other than me? "You like Heeseung, don't you?" It catches me off guard. The question is complicated because yes, I'm drawn to Heeseung, that's for sure. But I don't know if it's because of his sweet side or his tough exterior. Perhaps it's both.

"I don't know," I admit, feeling a little embarrassed by my lack of a clear answer. Nothing is clear with Heeseung, and it makes me wonder if my feelings for him are clouded by the thrill of the chase.

"Heeseung called me earlier to ask about you. We've been friends for a while now, I can tell he's worried." I stare at him and he sighs before smiling. A smile that shows how good of a friend he is. "He's got a big heart, you know? Even if he never really shows it."

Jake'swords stick in my mind and I'm more than willing to believe him. Because perhaps, just perhaps, there's more to Heeseung than what I've seen so far.